backdated to mid-morning yesterday, oops!

[fading]

[if anyone has attempted to contact Nami to wish him a Merry Christmas, they'll have been informed that the number is currently not in service. this might have something to do with the fact that, inside Nami's trashed apartment, his phone is sitting in a puddle of paintwater, sparking. Nami's nowhere to be found!


there's a frantic Kai calling for Nami as he makes his way through the park. he can feel that Nami's still in the dressing room, but there's a wall between their connection so solid he can't sense anything other than that.]



(ooc: Nami got a heart for Christmas. unfortunately, he's had a lot of negativity 'bottled up' so to speak, and the sudden onslaught of proper emotion wasn't taken well. he's in hiding, having taken a portal straight from his apartment! responses will be from Kai, at least at first, despite the fact that the post is from Nami.)

Comments

[seasides]

[he stamps down on his light, which was flickering to the surface in agitation, just in case it's impeding her progress in any way. and he'll definitely be available to help calm her darkness after all this.]

[dawnrise]

[It makes her eyes flicker orange and the tips of her fingers and palm darken to a different skintone, but it's only for a split-second, and then a portal rears to life in front of her and Riku hunches over, a hand to her chest.]

[seasides]

[Kai immediately moves to her side.]

If it's going to be too painful, don't, Riku. We can take the tram and spread out. It might take longer, but I doubt Nami will want to know you forced yourself to do something that hurt you just to find him.

[dawnrise]

Don't. I'm fine. I have to. He's... I just have to.

[She still doesn't know how to describe the new connection she has to him because of their lycanthropy, but it's important.]

[seasides]

...alright. Good luck. Please, be careful.

[he's going to give her a kiss on the head, and back off.]

[dawnrise]

[She nods again and straightens, looking from the portal to him.]

Put Serein wherever you need to and keep looking. I'll call you if I find him.

[seasides]

I'll leave her with Riku.

[considering the fuss that would have happened at home, Axel probably already knows and is out looking.]

[dawnrise]

Thanks. Call me if you find him first.

[And without another word she disappears into the portal.]

[seasides]

[his response dies in his throat and he watches her go, grimacing and turning to take Serein off to his house. hopefully Riku won't mind taking care of her for a bit. Apricot will certainly be entertained.]

[dawnrise]

[Oh, Serein will love Apricot, and probably just love the adventure. Riku... not so much. She opened a portal straight to the streets outside Castle Oblivion, to see if she could sense Nami inside.]

[fading]

[Nami is, thankfully, just outside the castle itself, parked next to the door with his legs pulled up and his face buried in his knees. when she gets close enough, she'll be able to notice a lot of things: his shoulders are shaking, there's the soft sound of sobbing, and he is very much no longer a Nobody.]

[dawnrise]

[She wasn't expecting to find him straight away, and it stuns her momentarily. She lets the portal close behind her and sways from the effort it took, but immediately starts heading toward him. It won't be long before she's stopping in her tracks to stare.]

... Nami?

[fading]

[he makes this little noise in his throat like a wounded animal and curls in on himself tighter. hopefully she's not expecting a response. he's a bit lost in grief at the moment.]

[dawnrise]

[Riku stays where she is for a good half a minute, then she makes to keep walking and close the distance between them. She's almost wary, like he'll take off if she tries to get too close.]

[fading]

[Nami looks up at her after a moment. he looks like he's been crying hard for a while now, his eyes red and puffy, his nose running, the whole works.]

Why does it hurt so much?

[dawnrise]

[Oh, Nami. There's an agonized, sympathetic look on Riku's face when he says that, and she crouches down next to him and moves a hand to his shoulder.]

Because that's part of feeling.

[fading]

[he flinches at the touch and looks away, sinking down a bit.]

I'm not supposed to exist. Why do I exist, Riku? Why am I here?

[dawnrise]

[She doesn't remove her hand, but she doesn't try to get any closer.]

I can't tell you. I couldn't answer that no matter who was asking me, Nami.

[fading]

I don't want this, Riku. Please help me.

[yes, he is desperate enough to ask her to remove his heart.]

It's not like Kai's. It's not, it hurts, I feel like I can't even breathe--!

[dawnrise]

[Her eyes widen on understanding, but she shakes her head.]

I know. I know it's not. Kai can't feel things like this, his heart isn't capable of that kind of pain. But it won't last.

[fading]

[he just whimpers.]

How can you say that? How can you say that? It's all just cages, over and over, it's all I've known and been good for and it hurts. There's nothing good here.

[dawnrise]

Because I can feel that kind of pain. Because I know that even if it feels like it's never going to end, it will. Because I know there's more to you than that, more that you're good for than being caged, Nami. Even before you ever felt what it was like to have a heart, you were one of the bravest people I'd ever met.

[fading]

[he just makes a small, disbelieving noise.]

Brave. I'm not brave, Riku. I'm a coward and all I'm good for is my power.

[dawnrise]

You stood up to Marluxia. You and Kai were about to take on Saïx when I found you at the castle. You tried to stop me the night I infected you.

[She draws her hand down his back lightly, moving it back up to his shoulder soon after. She doesn't know how to comfort him like this.]

Anyone who's ever treated you like that was the truth was using you, but that's not because of you, and it's not your fault. They used anyone they could.

[fading]

I think there's a difference between bravery and desperation.

[her presence seems to be helping him a little. his arms are wrapped tightly around his legs, so she probably can't see the damage he did to his knuckles while trashing his apartment in anger and pain and all that, but he doesn't feel like doing that anymore, and he's pretty sure Riku being there has to do with that.]