kingdomdressing | (no subject)

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xion

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[There's a new face among the Dressing Room. On the floor in the room that simulates Never Was, mind you, and unconscious. Which is probably a good thing considering fragments, blue in color, are still collecting, creating her form. Most of herself has been retained by then though. All that's left are her legs and they'll probably recollect before anyone draws near. Her hood is up, but the small frame makes it pretty obvious who it could be for anyone who would know her.]

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[She pulled herself up, half sitting, half plopping onto the fountain next to him at his invitation, this time far less hesitant about the idea. But it also helped that this time, she didn't feel like there was a big glass wall between them. This time... the one that had fought those fights with her, who had been through trial after trial, mission after exasperating mission, who had seen the end of her. The one that was one of her best friends, regardless of that. That Roxas was here.

And after giving him a coy nod. Because it honestly did sound... really strange. Neither of them had known much about Sora, after all. Just flickers of his memories. Even then though, Roxas himself hadn't much of an idea about him. Xion had known only a tiny bit more, honestly. But still not enough as he seemed like he did. It made sense though, she kept having to remind herself. Roxas had been through some things since, hadn't he? So, with that in mind, she just relaxed... and listened.

The first comment didn't surprise her. Xion had witnessed only bits and pieces of it, her conscious having faded in and out at the time. But she knew that riku had stopped him in the end. That... had been the end of her memories then though. So, from there, everything was fresh and new to her. But... the more she heard... the tighter her hands seemed to grip on the leather of her coat. Fooling him like that... into thinking he lived in Twilight Town like that. And rewriting his memories. Tampering with his memories. That alone ate away at her. Memories. Memories were something that were so precious to them. It was something that she knew both Roxas and Axel... They had always valued. It made them who they were. For Roxas... It made him not just "Sora's nobody".

And listening to him describe how he fought with Axel on top of that. It... Was this really what she left him to? Was this what Namine had intended on when she said that she would watch over him? It... It was really killing her inside to know that all of this had happened in her absence. All this... He didn't deserve. And what made it worse was that this spiral of indifference didn't stop. Even with Namine's weak means of trying to make his transfer from the living lie to accepting himself as part of Sora. Everything was wrong. It was... so unacceptably wrong.

...But the conversation with DiZ. That was the last nail in the metaphorical coffin. She stood up suddenly, wobbling as she did. Fists clutched and eyes narrowed into a heavy set glare for just a moment's notice as she tried so hard not to just... snap out right there. So many words and thoughts and... All of it was coming at her and she couldn't decide on what to do for a moment. Until, finally, her appalled thoughts took the most root and she turned back to face him. Her features anxious. Her words cutting through with apprehension and pain.]

That's not right! How could that-- She promised that she-- They had no right to do that to you!

[She sounded almost hysterical towards the end. Her voice cracked and shriveled and then she was leaning over and embracing him where he sat because she was all sorts of apologetic and angry and... and... How could this have happened? How could she have let it happen? Roxas, he... He hadn't deserved this!]

[When he'd paused, he wasn't quite sure what he expected from her. They always worried about what the difference was between having actual feelings and just reacting to things by what they somehow knew was a memory of a feeling. At least he had to imagine that was the case for him and Xion. Especially in the past few hours, he'd been "feeling" all kinds of things he couldn't remember having any experience in feeling. But while he'd seen all kinds of expressions and feelings come from her, he just couldn't really recall the seething animosity he could feel from her at the moment in any time they'd shared prior.

Wait, feeling from someone else? That would have to be another one for him to get some answers about later.

But the way she was reacting, he'd almost swear that she'd expected some kind of different outcome. Well, that one could also go into the pile of things to talk about. Now that he thought about it, he knew dismally little about just what she'd been uncovering during their times apart -he doubted it all really was just missions and practice. But now he was getting side-tracked and had a whole different matter to contend to.

He knew this feeling though; anger and sadness at the same time. To him it was a sick irony at the moment that she'd feel something at least very close to what he felt on that fateful afternoon in Twilight Town. So as she embraced him, he took her in his arms and did his best to comfort her.

And then part of that registered to him.

"She promised that she-"

Wait, who?

Maybe it was time for some answers after all.]

It's alright, calm down... but who are you talking about?

She? There weren't any girls working with DiZ, just-

[His eyes went wide for a moment as realization settled in.]

How did I miss it?

Was I -?

[The possibilities that this opened up in his big book of "What if" questions easily made a few chapters on their own.]

Did Namine talk to you too?

[At his string of questions, she remained quiet. At least until his final one settled between them. Talked to her, too... Just one conversation, yes. And a vital one at that. Xion removed her head from resting on his shoulder and strayed her gaze to the ground. Slowly considering how to explain... and then realizing soon after that there wasn't any way to go about it lightly.

No more secrets. No more hiding things... right? It... It wasn't fair to him. His existence had been mocked enough, hadn't it? She might not have known exactly what it was sometimes, but something told her... And she wouldn't have it. She wouldn't be like that to him. She closed her eyes a moment and breathed a shuddered breath.]

She was the one... I met her... before I intended to return to Sora... She... She agreed to... watch over you... but I never thought it would have turned out like that... If I'd known that...

[He listened to her explanation intently, at least as best he could considered how fragmented it ended up coming out. Clearly something that happened to him struck some kind of chord within her -a very unpleasant one at that too. It was somehow strange and then somehow painted a clearer picture of his friend at the same time. She'd accepted the fate she believed she had no choice in with the understanding that someone would care for him. It made him feel a little bad, really -Xion had thought of him to the end in that respect.

Granted, to him at least, it still didn't justify anything. It just made her angle a little more understandable.

However Namine's definition of "watching over him" ended up being little more than throwing him a few cryptic clues.

"You won't disappear! You'll be whole!"

Part of him inwardly scoffed at that. If anything, he felt alienated existing within Sora; a character out of place in a storybook of wondrous memories. He had to wonder for a little, just who was to blame for that. Had it been Namine just paying lip-service to get Sora back? Did she plan to do more, but Riku or DiZ stopped her? It seemed for every question he had answered, at least two new ones appeared in its place.

In either case, that was all done. Nothing could change what happened and right now, one of his best friends needed him to do something before she came apart again.

You're always worrying about me... thanks Xion.

He could practically hear those words being spoken, but for some reason, something inside him said that this wasn't the time to say a thing like that. So for now, he shuffled it into memory, giving her a firm squeeze before offering a smile in return. It seemed more a 'kicked puppy' smile, but he was at least trying to cheer her up.]

It's okay. We can't do anything about what happened back then.

At least we're both here now, right?

[She almost didn't catch that smile. Looking away like she did seemed like a habit she wasn't about ready to break. And saying that it was okay when it obviously wasn't... although he had a point about not being able to do anything. And she knew it. She shook her head slowly as if to will those straying sad thoughts away because she honestly didn't want to trouble him anymore on top of what he had faced. The squeeze had also helped distract her. Something about it--

Xion finally looked up at him. And, well, it might not have felt too awkward to her because she was still wrapping concepts like this around her head, he might be feeling a might bit of it. Because she was pretty darn close to him again. But she was smiling that small, quiet smile of hers. Even if it was a little guilty in appearance. A little sad. A little forced. Kind of complimented his, really. But those jaded smiles seemed to be more than prevalent for a good reason with all that they had been through. Her gaze buckled again as she spoke, but her smile remained.]

...That's true, I guess. And... This time... I'll be sure that you don't... have to face something like that again.

...So then. Can you remember anything after that? [He didn't just vanish like her, right? After all, he was a nobody. Not a replica.]

[There it was again, that odd feeling -like they should be doing something else instead of just looking each other and being this close. Whether his feelings were genuine or based off some memory that just wasn't coming to mind, he really was starting to wish they can with some kind of guide. In either case, at least he didn't react as awkwardly as last time; sure he turned a shade more crimson than his normal coloring was, but right now, he really was worried about how Xion was feeling.

A thought occurred to him as he looked at that smile of hers. Especially if this was some new chance at a life specifically of their own, he'd want to make it a point to bring back that particular smile he'd seen on her. The smile shared when they had ice cream with Axel and just talked about anything -no matter how dumb or trivial. But that would be something to work toward as things went on.

Roxas seemed to be getting better at juggling his thoughts while keeping track of reality as the conversation didn't seem to just snap him out of a daydream like it normally seemed to. He nodded in reply to that first statement, at least for now with holding that he'd do the same for her. For some reason, it just seemed like it'd be a disregard of her feelings if he said that immediately.]

Yeah... well, sort of. That thing I saw in that room opened up and Sora was in it.

[It wasn't venom in his voice -it was far too subdued, longing or envy perhaps as he recalled the memory. He laughed at himself a little.]

And then the lame last thing I said before I just "faded" into him was "I guess my summer vacation is over.".

[It was strange recalling that. At that point, he knew what had to be done, what he needed to do and at least for the most part, why. At the time, he felt such sadness and despair -maybe that's why he didn't just 'become whole' like Namine had told him. He didn't care about power or any thing like that, he wanted a life of his own.

After that brief reminiscence, he shook his head a little, feeling a note more down than he did before.]

After that, it was kind of like watching through his eyes. I got to see what he was doing, how his friends always recognized him and were happy to see him.

[That last sentence came out with his almost trademarked mix of envy and sadness, whether he meant it to or not. Honestly, if Xion really had just faded away after that duel, it was an almost enviable fate. Because continuing to partially exist in a world where few, if any even acknowledge one's existence was a pretty sad state too.]

[She didn't miss that flustering shade of red even while her eyes flickered away. It was impossible to disguise something like that. But she still wasn't sure what to think of it. Although something was fluttering in her for a second when she actually noticed it. She didn't understand it, but ever since he had mentioned it being similar to how Sora had reacted to Kairi on occasion, something about it just hit her. Made her wonder just a little... just what that panic that touched her when she saw that a second time was all about. But she dismissed it just as easily.

Focusing on what he said. That took priority over anything else. Unfortunately, it seemed... all the rest he had to tell was with a lingering sadness. So, he had returned to Sora in the end... Xion almost... She curled her hand into a slight grip on the back of his shirt, frustrated. She knew they had to go back... That was where they had belonged, after all. But it didn't stop his melancholy from eating away at her. The comment about his last words. It... It wasn't so amusing to her, but then she realized he honestly didn't find it so either. Just a breath of tension relief. Otherwise, well... Well, how else could one handle talking about fading like that? Disconnected and miserable like her, she supposed. In that regard... Roxas seemed to be the stronger of the two. Even the bitterness she expected... It wasn't really there like she anticipated. Even if the sadness was more than prevalent. At his pause, she gave him an awkward squeeze. Mimicking the one he had given her not long ago.

She felt almost a little astounded when he noted how he could see through his other's eyes... But then she shouldn't, should she? Again, roxas had always been a nobody while she was a replica. So, their connection to Sora was different. It would only make sense then that he would retain some sort of consciousness. A cruel one though at that. Watching through someone else's eyes... without being able to do anything. It wasn't exactly a fate she would want herself. She could only imagine how he must have felt. She rest her head on his shoulder a moment and sighed... trying to concentrate on what to say.

Apologizes wouldn't change what happened. And they couldn't do anything about it now. He had just said that moments before. So then... What could she do in the now? She was already there for him, but... it just didn't feel sufficient. She wanted to do more than that. But... she found she really wasn't sure if she could. But then did a thought linger and slowly surface. What had Sora...

But she kept it to herself at the moment. Shuttering away any curiosity of that nature. Because right then, she wanted to concentrate on Roxas. And right then, she would. She did have one question to ask though.]

...So... ...When did you end up here? ...How long has it been since you left the Organization? [Since she disappeared, to be more precise, but she knew that was still a raw wound and she was going to do her best to avoid it at the moment. For both their sakes.]

[He found that he appreciated the touch, the slightly awkward squeeze -even just being close to Xion brought him at least a small measurement of comfort. It was nice that he at least wasn't alone and that he had her to open up to. Part of him was telling him that this was the way things should've been from the start and that perhaps their tragedy could've been averted if that were the case. But as he'd so often seemed to bring up in this little chat; what was done was done. Neither of them would ever be able to change that which had transpired, but at least the two of them were together now and they were able to talk like this. As upsetting as the memories were at times, being with her made the recollection less painful.

When her question came up, he paused a little, mulling that one over for a little. Honestly, with the world-traveling business, it was pretty hard to keep track of days once he'd merged with Sora. Still, he figured he'd do the best he could to answer.]

Uhm... well, I know I was in that digital Twilight Town for about seven days. After I merged with Sora, it all kind of blurred together with him and his friends traveling. It was at least four days, I want to say -but it might have been as long as two weeks.

[He paused a moment after that, scratching the back of his neck as if not entirely sure about the numbers he was giving -clearly it was as accurate as he could remember, but clearly he's not entirely sure about how precise he is. And on top of that, the look on his face seems like there's a little more that he wanted to note about things, but he's not quite sure how to bring it up.]

I woke up wherever we did about two days after everything happened.

[He wasn't the only one comforted by the closeness. Ever since the first time he had embraced her. Even as the situation had at first been overwhelmingly frightening and upsetting. There was something in the way he had-- the way he had held onto her, unwilling to let go for just a moment. Something about that just felt right. Like something she should have done herself a long time ago. The thought didn't really occur to her until she had been doing the same to him. And now she honestly wouldn't mind doing it again and again if it would help him get through things like this.

Him not remembering the days... kind of bothered her. If she knew anything about Roxas, he had always, always counted the days. It was a quirk that she had picked up from him, actually. The seashells were a testament to that. Quietly, she wondered if that made him feel lost. Did it bother him that he no longer knew? It did bug Xion, herself. But... Then a lot of this bothered her because it was something they were talking about him going through rather than something they saw through together.

She ducked away as he paused, looking at him curiously. Catching that expression and biting her lip just a bit. The question was written on her face far sooner than did she voice it.]

After what happened?

[His inability to track the days after his merge with Sora was simultaneously upsetting and yet not. Not too long after his consciousness realized it was still at least observing the world, he wondered if perhaps he'd just fade away if he stopped caring about things. There were enough factors in play that simply existing as something that watched through his other's eyes just wasn't the way he wanted to 'live', if you could call it that at all. By the time he'd realized that he simply was stuck that way, he'd realized that he just had no way to effectively tell how much time had passed and that was one of those things he just ended up having to deal with.

Roxas honestly felt at least some relief when Xion posed the question that she did. There was more to the story than just what he'd covered up to his merge and part of him was still wondering if what he tried to do to Sora back at Memory's Skyscraper was even right to begin with... even if the end result gave him the closure needed to just 'let go' of most of his resentment. To his shock, that release apparently gave his other their Final Form, as the boy had called it.

Some part of him would openly, if not somewhat loathingly admit that it was a pretty cool way for the combined power from Xion and him to be used.]

After he did everything he was supposed to.

[He started his explanation with a sigh. It wasn't from the annoyance of talking about it, it was more his ongoing annoyance that everything went according to DiZ's plan for the most part.]

After Sora woke up, he did just what they expected him to do. With a little prodding from King Mickey, he went right after the Organization.

[Though he tried not to drag on with things, he retold the story of their other's struggle against their former compatriots and how the remaining members of the Organization were cut down one at a time. He talked of his shock to find that Axel had survived their duel and how he tried to have Sora consumed by a mob of heartless to bring him back -only to change his mind at the last moment and sacrifice himself so Sora would live.

He let it go quiet for a moment there, as if offering some silence out of respect for their mutual friend. When he picked up again, his tone was a note sadder, as if retelling that opened a wound that hadn't quite started to heal. He told of Sora's arrival in the World That Never Was and how through a means even he couldn't understand, he managed to manifest physically in top form and summon a pair of Samurai Nobodies to hold Donald and Goofy at bay while he snatched Sora off to a duel.]

I still don't know how I did it... but after I lost, I wasn't mad at him.

I don't know why, but I think I was relieved.

[As Roxas retold his plight from Sora's eyes, Xion sat quietly, just listening... Intently at that. It wouldn't have mattered if he would have taken hours to explain, really. There was no "dragging on" when it came to listening to him. What he had to say... had always, always been important to her. And she had almost infinite patience with him... How could she not? He was her best friend. Him and Axel. The story he had to tell though... was honestly a sad tale.

Even with how the Organization had been constructed... to create Kingdom Hearts using the hearts of innocents. She... Honestly, not all of those in the Organization... She didn't begrudge all of them. Some of them... had really never done any wrong to her. So... listening to how the Organization was completely wiped out... It bothered her a little. Having her power used for that purpose... It was Kingdom Hearts that had to be stopped. But then... It wasn't like Organization XIII would just allow someone to up and destroy it. Certainly not without a fight. She knew of its importance, remembered how some of the members had spoken desperately of retrieving a heart.

As the story progressed and Roxas reached the part about Axel's choice... Xion stared at him in shock, her gaze softening weakly shortly afterward. That... That was really the choice he had made? To disappear, too? It wasn't lost to her the reasons why-- but... That only made her feel more empty. And while Roxas was quiet, Xion had blinked rapidly while her breaths came out shallow and shuddered. She didn't reach for Roxas' comfort then... because it felt undeserved. She felt like... she should have found a way to prevent it-- which was silly, honestly. It wasn't like she knew that something like that would have happened. But.. Xion being Xion, well...

Her focus only barely managed to snap back to his story as he recounted his fight with Sora... and how he had lost, but yet... For some reason, he had found a resolve to it. It seemed strange to her, but then... She was just hearing a story. She didn't really know the half of it... and she never really would know more than that. Simply because she never lived it. But-- at the same time... Maybe. Just maybe...]

...It almost sounds like. He could have understood you. Who you were... Of course, everyone could say that it's because you're his nobody, but... It sounds like it goes beyond that.

...He really worried about his friends. Like you always... so... maybe that's why...

[For just a little bit, Roxas had allowed himself to lose himself in contemplation as he mulled over the hows, whys and whatnot of that fateful encounter. Thinking back, once he'd found Sora, he'd wondered what he would have done. In his last days with the Organization, Xemnas made no secret of his and Xion's connection to the body -though he never specifically explained what that was. If it hadn't been for what he'd learned in the last 'day' or two in the Digital Twilight Town, it's doubtful he'd ever have found the proper links to put as many of the pieces together as he did. And yet when he did -he chose to fight.

Now part of him had been wondering what would have happened if he'd won. Doubtful that Donald, Goofy, Mickey, Ansem, Kairi and Riku would have stood with him -it would have been him versus the remaining members of the Organization. That of course, also assumed that Sora's friends didn't just decide to eliminate him. And looking at how things turned out, that victory however long or not long ago, required those bonds of friendship that their other had.

Thankfully, it was a matter he didn't dwell upon too long before Xion offered her little bit of insight to some of the questions that still lingered within him from that time. When he heard her voice, his attention snapped to her, giving a contemplative look as she offered her opinion of the matter.]

Huh... I guess that sounds about right. As much as I try to tell everyone that I'm me; that I'm different from him. We at least have that much in common.

[He gave a momentary pause, their conversation providing a new question for him to mull over, one that he chose to openly share.]

If I saw some of his memories... I wonder if he saw any of yours or mine.

[They might have shared some things. But in the end, Roxas would always be Roxas to her. Her best friend. Someone, even, that she was willing to give up her existence for. That wouldn't change, no matter how he was related to Sora... and she knew enough that he felt the same about her.

At his last comment though... Xion sat in silence, considering it with careful, flowing thoughts. It was possible... maybe. Maybe not as intensely as they had witnessed his memories, but... Then again...]

...It's hard for me to say. I don't remember anything after I...

[She trailed off and gestured lightly with her hand as if that would finish her thought. Then letting silence veil them a little longer. If Sora had, she wondered if that would have changed anything. And if it had, would it have been for better or worse? There always seemed to be complications. Always. Trial after trial. Nothing ever was simple. She found herself tugging away at her hood, just thinking about everything.

All the trials and tribulations. Just hearing about them wore on her and she hadn't even been there to see it. At least not consciously. She was part of Sora then, of course. But... while Roxas apparently could keep his sense of self composed, hers had shattered the moment she had returned. Perhaps it was partly due to the resolve that she had carried at the time. She had steeled herself, accepted it. While Roxas had fought it. Did part of him feel betrayed for her just shutting down like that now that he knew they had co-existed in Sora together for a time? She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, still not entirely believing this to be real. Her hand came to touch his arm as her mouth formed a thin, unreadable line. Although her conflict was more than apparent in her eyes as always.

All the memories she had of Sora back then... All the trouble they had caused, really.]

...Knowing how we were with having his memories though, it might be better if he never did.

[It was odd, almost like instinct. Whether by partially passed memory or if by the quietly voiced feelings that he possessed himself, Roxas' hand immediately sought Xion's when her touch registered to him. However, his attention had been snatched off again as he'd noticed that particular look in her eyes. Thinking about it, he remembered that she'd almost always had that troubled look to her -always worried about one thing or another.

Well, there were some thoughts he'd be voicing to her about that later. For the immediate moment, he'd been listening as she offered her thoughts on his question. Though as much as he did wonder about that, he was fairly sure that Sora hadn't seen the faintest glimpse of what either of his Nobodies had been through. If he had, there was a particular comment the boy had once said that he probably wouldn't have if he'd been aware.]

He probably didn't... thinking about it. That honestly makes me feel at least a little glad.

[He paused a moment, a weak grin forming on his face as he watched for the likely quizzical or at least curious look she was expected to reply with. Of course, as soon as he saw any hint of that, he'd elaborate a little more.]

I mean think about it; it means that those memories belong to each of us. It just means we've got the same right to live he does.

[The more analytical part of his mind was also pointing out that Xion having memories that neither he, nor Sora had further reinforced that despite what she'd started out as, she was every bit as much of a person or at least a Nobody as any other. At least from his stand point because she had genuine, unique memories that only she possessed. But then, maybe he was thinking on that one too hard.]

[The way his hand had suddenly reached to hold hers was comforting and her eyes had softened just a little at the feeling. But in the split second it registered, it was forgotten because the words he shared next were curious-- and she tilted her head at the first comment just as he had anticipated. When he continued though, well...

'Belong to each of us'... A right to... 'A right to live'...

She stared at Roxas a long moment, unsure of what to say. Her thoughts were swirling out of control. Like those words had freed all these sudden possibilities and they were just spiraling out and around and throughout until she suddenly shut her eyes tight, concentrating. Slowing the flow to a crawl. Trying to remember the other side of the coin. But... But even so, she had to ask. Had to wish for that reassurance.]

Do... Do you really think so...?

[Sounding so unsure. So... lost and suddenly... Suddenly afraid. Almost like what they were doing was wrong. Forbidden. To want that freedom, that right. What about Sora? What was happening to him now that they were where they were? Was he asleep again? Or was this where those who weren't supposed to exist in the first place... Was this where they faded off to?

The uncertainty etched in her face, made her grip his arm a little tighter. This was real. She could feel it. His hand. His arm. Her shaking. It was... too real for words, even. Almost. She was almost expecting herself to wake up-- but part of her knew she wasn't going to. That Roxas was there. That she was there. And that, deep down.... she wouldn't have it any other way.]

[Being stared at in that way didn't escape his attention and for a little bit, he wondered if what he'd said was really all that strange. He wasn't trying to be amazing or poetic or anything like that -he'd just shared one of his strongest beliefs that he'd formed.

Unique things like a person's memories, experiences and the memories they leave preserved with others define an individual's right to live. To possess even a single unique memory gave them reason enough to exist, regardless of who said they should be allowed to or not. And it was the feelings produced by that belief that he figured resulted in him persisting after Sora absorbed him.

And so he watched her, listening for anything she might say and trying to get some idea of what thoughts must be running through her head. Then she finally spoke up.]

Of course! Maybe we weren't supposed to exist in the first place. But I don't think anyone can deny that we do. And I think even if we had no purpose or anything like that, there's a lot of reasons why we shouldn't just have to fade away.

[Loathe as he might be to admit it, he probably sounded a lot like Sora with a statement like that. But really, he didn't care. His attention had been on Xion as he'd talked, feeling her reactions; the shaking and then that look of worry in her eyes.

It was strange that not too long ago, he would have been fine existing again without any memory that she'd ever been a part of his life. And yet now, knowing what they'd been through, he felt a bond with her that he honestly wanted to say was stronger than his to their Other. That felt strange to consider -Axel was his best friend and while that was the case, something inside him said that his connection to his friend was a different kind of attachment. Admittedly, these feelings were really confusing things -even if he thought they were memories.]

But yeah... that's why I think it's okay for us both to be around again. It's why I think we should be able to find a way to have hearts of our own and then live -kind of normal lives, I guess.

[He laughs a little.]

That must sound a little silly, huh? I got so wrapped up in us just being here like this, I kind of didn't think things much further along. But what I'm getting at is that we're here together, so it'll be alright. I'm sure of it.

[While it might have seemed almost simple for him to accept, a belief that he valued, to Xion who had always found herself weighed through the worth of what she did for the Organization. For the worth of being able to be useful-- the idea that their memories alone amounted to their right to exist. It was... really different. It was something... something she really did want to believe as earnestly as he did. Bur something that was almost secretly appealing. Something that... she wasn't lost to by any measure.

He carried the appeal of it further with his words, only shaking it at the mention of the lacking purpose. They had one though, didn't they? They... They wouldn't be there otherwise, would they? To her, still existing meant that she had left something undone. Or maybe she just simply needed that comfort. That reason. A sense of security. But... part of her whispered deep down-- didn't she already have that? Wasn't he--

A heart...

Normal lives...

'...it'll be alright. I'm sure of it.'

The Sora vibe of his statements. That didn't even register to her-- because it was Roxas she was facing then. It was always Roxas. Xion would always see him first before Sora. Not like the others who saw it the other way around. But what did hit her was... that no matter how simple it sounded, there was one thing still clawing at the back of her mind. One thing she knew they had to touch base on-- something that had until then been avoided mainly due to the sudden heartless attack and then further deterred by his explanation of events since her fading. But now-- she knew she had to say something.]

...Even given this chance though. Roxas... If I still am what I am, I might... I might do that again. I don't have any control over it. I shouldn't even... [She let go of his arm in emphasis, too afraid for him to allow her reluctance to get the best of her. Fearful that she was affecting him by that touch alone. Sapping his strength as she had before.]

What if... we run out of time?

[She made a point. Maybe he was just in denial -perhaps they both were, but he refused to accept that the entirety of what transpired atop the clock tower in Twilight Town that day was her choice. Perhaps she did chose to return to Sora -that such a thing would be best. But that striking him down and taking his memories was the way to do it? That just wasn't the friend he'd gotten to know over the majority of his 'life'.

In either case, that was something he wasn't prepared to answer. He wanted to brush it off -to say that since they were standing there and that he had memories of Sora setting Kingdom Hearts free and defeating Xemnas meant that there was no reason to think that this was anything but a second chance for them. But there was no telling how Sora was here or if anything else had been going on.

For a moment though, he saw some part of her hoping and wanting to share the dream he was chasing. And he wasn't about to just let that part sink back into despair without a fight.]

For starters, we're not sure of anything right now.

[He hesitated a moment and instincts took over where thinking failed him. Roxas felt his hand react of its own volition, immediately reaching out and taking hers again -as if in some hope that such an act would steady the situation. And somewhere in that split second, he felt something -not a memory of an emotion, but something stronger. It resonated with him and before he knew it, his mouth was running with his thoughts before he could even decide how things should be said.]

We'll worry about it then. If it happens again, then we'll just find another way... but we're not even sure if it will happen again. We're not even sure how we're here.

So until we get some answers, we'll just play it by ear.

Besides... none of us were really straight with each other back then.

[He offers a smile.]

This time, I'm not hiding anything and that's a start to making things different this time around.

[Xion... honestly really wanted to believe that things would turn out better this time. That things could be simple. But she knew that nothing was like that. Again and again they had struggled. And again, they had fallen away. The pain that she had caused him through her lack of control of her unavoidable fate. A fate that would undoubtedly persist. Why would anything change now? She couldn't forget it just like she couldn't just wave off that she was a puppet. A replica whose worth wasn't even half of her friend's. She knew... She knew that it ate away at him for her to think that way. But it wasn't a thought process that she could just overturn in a matter of moments. Just like the realization of how much of an impeding danger she was to him.

And for Xion would always inevitably, at the end of the day... hold him above her. He was her best friend. And someone really important. And then Roxas would reach out as he did then both physically and with words-- as he always tried to. But this time... as they had before, the words themselves were no longer the naive ones she once knew. Things were different. More knowing. And perhaps that was why then. That and the guilt ever present. That drew her eyes to his and slowly let her fingers cup his own hand firmly but with a gentleness. Because she wanted to believe--

That things could be different. That they could exist.

And they were, she knew. Even as she watched him quizzically as she always did. This wasn't Roxas telling her that everything would be fine. Because even he wasn't lost to the seriousness of things. But despite this, despite what she was, despite what she had done to him, there he was. Telling her he would still be for her, still see this through. And a little bit of her that wanted to believe squeezed his hand a bit more tightly. Still, she dropped her gaze a moment.]

I... I won't hide anything either. Not... Not this time.

['I'm sorry.'
,˙ǝɯıʇ ʇsɹıɟ ǝɥʇ uǝǝq ǝʌɐɥ pןnoɥs ı,
'I didn't want you to see that ugly truth if I could help it.'
,˙noʎ oʇ pǝıן ǝʌɐɥ ʇ,upןnoɥs ı,
'But even so.']

...Still. Knowing that if things do... happen that way again... promise me you'll stop me.

[Her grip on his hand weakened a bit.] Maybe... No, I know it's not right of me to ask you to go through that again... but-- but if you... [Her hand tightened around his again but she remained silent.]

[Roxas watched that expression of hers, that always-troubled, always-worried look that she'd worn so much in their last days together and even a great deal since they'd met again. And then finding out that more often than not, it was because of him. It was both touching and painful at the same time. Part of him wondered just why he meant so much her, but then when he changed the question and asked himself why Xion meant so much to him, he was usually without answer. And at the same time, it hurt to know that she was this way because of him.

His experience in the Organization contrasted with how Sora had always treated and been treated by his friends. Everyone seemed to like their Other and he was always going out of his way to help his friends -just as Roxas had with Xion. He told himself that he certainly would've done the same for Axel, but somehow his other friend was just so much harder to figure out at times and was a great deal harder to follow -not that she'd been an easy mark to follow or understand in the least. But all of these experiences told him; that was just how friends were. The closer a person is to another, the more that they worried. Maybe that was why he was so adamant about trying to tackle every one of her fears and either dispel them or push them aside.]

Thanks... looking back on everything, after all Sora found while I watched. You and Axel were trying to protect me back then. It's okay though. No matter what comes up, we'll figure things out together.

[His smile was pained. Their conversation had reminded him that there were serious consequences should things go wrong, that simple optimism was not going to solve everything -at least not so easily and not on its own. It was dawning on him that just as he had almost a year's worth of resentment over being manipulated, she had a year's worth of having Saix and whoever else drill into her how worthless she was and combined with how she felt on her own. It was going to take time if he wanted to see that smile of hers again regularly.]

...

[The look on his face when she made that request -especially the way the light caught in his eyes, could easily have led a bystander to think she'd just asked him to kill her.

It wasn't until he felt her hand squeeze his again that time resumed for him and his expression turned contemplative. She was bringing up a valid point, something that would be an ultimate worst-case scenario and one that he'd never want to face again. But assuming that despite what he viewed as her heart, her body might still be whatever that replica thing that they'd made her from.

Out of the blue, he felt something inside. A sensation of something growing bolder, a refusal to accept that path. Writing it off as an automatic memory reaction, he figured that there must've been countless time their Other felt like this. His expression hardened -not grim, but defiant. Even if all of this was doomed to stray toward a repetition of what happened the last time, he was determined not to let it end that way.

He still had no idea what he would do just yet, but there was no doubt in his mind that he would not just sit and let things happen. Not again.]

We'll figure that out as we go.

[His tone was measured and serious -lacking the unsupported hope of his earlier words.]

But I will never draw my Keyblade against you again. If you suddenly turn, I'll run, restrain you, do whatever it takes... but I won't let that happen again.

[There was a tear in the corner on his eye, seemingly out of place on his otherwise defiant expression. His voice trembled, the volume dropping a notch. It wasn't fearing of being heard or a loss of resolve, but because he sincerely was starting to worry now.]

I'm not going to lose you again.

[His gratitude was taken with a wavering demeanor. Uncertain if she should even accept it really. While her and Axel... while they both had fought to find a means best for him in their own ways, in the end... it had all amounted to a painful fall out. A friendship that had fragmented and shattered in the white noise of best interests that probably would have been better off left alone to something more... something like what they were doing now.

Talking about it. Trying to wrap their minds around it-- and trying to face it together. Something that... the more they explored there on that plane of rexistence... the more a part of her whispered that they should have done it in the first place. She should have said something. She should have told him-- but then. Would a Roxas that hadn't seen the things that this Roxas had seen... Would he have believed her? ...Probably. But knowing the seriousness of the potential consequences? He would have definitely tried. She would give him that. But... Somehow, she had a feeling that the Roxas back then still would have reacted the same way to what she had become in the end. The memory of it from her side of things was terrifying alone. She could only imagine what had been going flying a thousand miles over through his mind. ...And that only made things more painful.

When silence found her last words too long for her comfort, she pushed herself to look up at him. Only for his words to fall shortly after, unaware of the expression that he had held-- but partly knowing it had been there anyway. If there was one thing about Roxas that was always certain, it was that he wore if not his heart then his thoughts, right on his sleeve. ...And she knew it was ridiculous for her to request that as soon as she had spoken it. How could she ask him to go through with that again.

But that look that followed it. That very expression. She... At first she wasn't sure what to make of it. It was something new. Not in the defiance but in the ... Just... something about it. It resonated with his words and held her to him. Made her realize that... he really had grown from being the naive nobody she had met at the early beginnings of her Organization days. The one that had offered her ice cream and a seat on the clock tower. But still the one and the same as his voice started to give and...

And then the words themselves hit her... and her eyes softened. Because right then, again... she could hear that desperation underlying in his tone. The same fear and misery that she had heard when he had mistaken her for Riku at Memory Skyscraper. It was touching in part.... but also. Really melancholic. Something deep down ached in her being. Something she had felt then, but now with things less chaotic, it was noticeable. Someone who was whole might have called it heartache. She really... Seeing him like that...

For the split second she didn't realize that she let the floodgates open, the ones that usually kept her steady and in control, Xion slid to wrap her arms around him and just held onto him again. Tightly. Almost as if doing so would will away the bad memories. Would see to it that things would go as Roxas wished them to. Words for the moment were spared-- although he could probably feel the apology in her touch, the way she rested her forehead on his shoulder, almost as if bowing to him for forgiveness for asking this of him. For doing this to him. Even if it was out of her control, it always somehow felt like it was her fault. Like she should be able to stop it from happening. Should be able to withhold herself from that power. And then, finally. Quietly.]

...I... ...I hope you're right... ...Really, I didn't... To do that to you, I... I never want it to happen again. It... ['It hurt so much to see you like that.']

[The world did that thing where it felt like it'd frozen on him again. He wasn't sure if what he said was right, but it was just how he... well, how he felt. It was an absurd gesture; Nobodies didn't have hearts to feel with -but what else could he call it? Whatever it was, it was trivial at this point.

As Roxas felt her arms around him again, he felt one of his curling around her waist while the other crossed over her back, resting his hand on her shoulder. It was a strange sensation; feeling so close to her. Just from their conversation and the past whoever-knew how many hours, he could guess that there was so much she blamed herself for. But really, he had a share of that blame too and in the grand scheme of things, neither of them had been much more than pawns of forces at least somewhat beyond their control.

Finally, he smiled a little. It was reassuring, the look in his eyes reflecting the determination in his words to come.]

We'll find a way.

[Whether they were thoughts or actually feelings, he found they were guiding him again. He didn't resist as everything just seemed to come together the way things did.

The boy leaned back a little, looking into Xion's eyes for a moment before planting a kiss on her forehead and following it up with that 'beaten-puppy' kind of smile that he tended to have when he was trying to cheer someone up when things were really going badly.]

Let's just handle this one day...

[The whole of what he just did prompted him to slow to a stop as his face flushed a mild crimson. Realization set in and at least on his end, so did the awkwardness.]

Uh...

[Feeling his arms come around her, there was a certain sort of security that came upon her. As usual, it made her feel guilty, but there was also a sense of peacefulness. Because there wasn't secrets she was hiding about what she was or why she did what she did anymore. There was only the truth of things and and hope that everything would spiral out of control once more. And maybe even... deep down...

'We'll find a way.'

She raised her head and found his eyes and him doing so in turn then. Just as calm and gentle as always. But also somehow older and wiser. Xion smiled a little in return and then--

. . .

. . . . . .

Her mouth gaped opened at the brush of his lips on her forehead. His next words lost in the static of her scrambling mind. Trying to process just what in Kingdom Hearts had happened. And why there was something just about that gesture that caused her cheeks to grow red and then redder at that gentle smile of his. Just what was... And why was... It made her want to suddenly scramble away. Only her body wouldn't budge. So, she was left staring at him with a stupefying expression until her body caught up with her mind and she turned her head away, veiling her face with her hair.]

Uh-Um--!!

[For a moment, he found himself suddenly trying to figure out what he should do. Denying it didn't feel right -what he just did, what he just did... he had no idea what he just did. There were his lips and her forehead and then they touched and it was strange and yet, it felt kind of good. Good, but genuinely confusing and definitely awkward in the aftermath. As if he should've done more or done less, but the amount of whatever he did was NOT RIGHT AT ALL.

However, he really found he wasn't able to give into a particular impulse that said he should get up and move away. The best he managed was to at least release her from their embrace, though his hand subconsciously seemed to have taken hers into his without him being entirely aware.

Doing his best not to bring that to attention, he cleared his throat as he did his best to avoid direct eye contact, probably looking almost as bright red as Axel's hair.]

Uh, so! We... we still need to figure out just where we are before we can do much else, right?

[Roxas mentally kicked himself that that was the best thing he could come up with to say. Still, having some solid form of business to focus on might be best for them at this point.

Wherever they were, he was certainly hoping that there were other people. Clearly, neither of them knew what just happened or why that just felt so confusing and having some idea of what both of them were going through would certainly be helpful.]

[It had probably ended up in his best interest to dodge that bullet. Because talking about it any further might have sent her on a downward spiral as she fought to surface from the myriad of different memories not her own-- memories that had made the whole gesture awkward in the first place as she fought to decipher what just happened. It-- It wasn't a bad thing though. But at the same time-- Oh, she didn't know.

She didn't even realize him taking her hand because she was on a mission to hide that blush for some odd reason. Her second consideration being using her other to lightly touch her forehead where he had kissed her. As brief as it was, she could still feel the ghost of it. Or maybe it was still her imagination.

Only when he cleared his throat did she pay him better mind.]

R-Right!

[Oh... Oh. That just completely came out as a squeak more than anything. But she pressed on.]

W-We really should!

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See what you've got me doing now?

Ffff.... It's Roxas. He does these things

Stupid subject field...

Buh? XD;

Just the way it holds the old subject over if you don't actually put something there.

Ah~~ I see

Re: Ah~~ I see

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/FINALLY It was a lot to think over, so I kind of gave this space, but I think I got it now

Yay! New post because I'm back!

I'm pretty impressed how much this has lived. XD;

Well it is a pretty awesome thread

It's rockin' so hard~ And I almost killed it XD;

As long as there's interest, I'll keep tagging

I'm usually the same way 8D; Unless my muse dies

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/r-retypes finally sofushdfud

/fixes because he's a perfectionist... sorta

XDD It happens. L-LOL

And at least 1 new icon is go!

F-ffff.... It's so hard to pick and choose them

Yeah, picking out which ones to phase out and in... this 'll take awhile

/makes a bunch of alternate accounts. FFFF Just kidding.