kingdomdressing | (no subject)

I told you it's not...

[lets his hand slide away, frowning slightly. instead of pulling his hand back in his lap, he pushes his fingers through riku's hair instead.]

[ crap, weak spots. opens his mouth and closes it, since he's momentarily derailed. ]

[it's just once, for now, fingertips tracing slow, brief circles against the back of his neck before he pulls away.]

[ it's enough to tie up his tongue, going blank. what was he talking about again ... ]

[doesn't want to appear as if he's not listening just in case riku decides to speak again, so his pictures are out of the question. instead, pulls his legs up close to his body, arms crossed over his knees with his chin on his arms, and waits quietly, just watching him intently.]

[ oh, that. shame he doesn't know how to really start into it again, so he sighs, looking helpless. ]

[slips a hand down to rub riku's knee. if he doesn't want to talk anymore, he doesn't have to.]

- it's just that he said everything to you. If I hadn't caught of wind of it, I wouldn't even know where he went.

[ though he might've put two and two together eventually. ]

[his hand stills and he can't meet riku's eyes.]

... He said he was going to talk to you.

[but the flowers are dead.]

... I never saw him. I know he's not here.

[ he doesn't, but it's the only conclusion he can draw when he never sees the swish of a skirt anymore. ]

[there's nothing to say, just a sick feeling twisting in the pit of his stomach, and denial settling in his mind.]

...I-I'm sorry.

[well, there's that.]

It's my fault, not yours.

[shakes his head, chewing his lower lip.]

No. No, I should have told you, I should have asked if you two had talked, because I knew. I knew he was going to leave. He said he was going to move out; he said he was going to tell you, and then take his things and find another room, and he promised-- he showed me that room, and a picture and a thousand words could never describe how beautiful that room was, and it was his, and-. And now he's gone. And now the flowers are dead.

[swallows. let's see if he can manage to keep from getting sick.]

I-I should have told you.

[ blows the hair out of his eyes. ]

But he showed you and not me.

I should've stayed out of it.

[ blaming himself? you bet. ]

He showed me flowers. He fucked you.

[not that it's really relevant, but it proves some twisted little point in his head. either way, it seems he's done talking about it, because he gets up, grabs that bucket, and heads for the door.]

Come on, this isn't about -

[ oh, wow, this wasn't how it was supposed to go at all. ]

[ makes a rush for the door. he didn't want to take advantage of roxas' condition, but - ]

Listen, that's done. I made a bad call, we made some mistakes, he's gone and probably happier, and I'm still stuck here since you can find ways out and I can't hit up the diner on Fridays anymore so my best friend can hit on me and make it to the end of school, so let's - just -

[ doesn't even know, saying too many words in too little breath. he's totally not cut out for this at all. ]

[slumps against the wall. if all else fails, at least he's got the bucket.]

Just what, Riku?

[probably a lot better than the first response that came to mind.]

I did it again, didn't I ...

[ some social skills he's got there. ]

Just go.

[honestly has to take a moment to decide what to do. stay, or go?

in the end, he looks away and fumbles with the handle, yanking the door open and slipping out, closing the door behind him none too gently, but not on purpose. he doesn't make it very far, though, and after glaring across the hall for twenty seconds and getting nowhere, he slides down against the wall and just sits, with his legs pulled up and his face mashed into his knees where he's content to stay for who knows how long.]

[ it takes a while - several minutes, probably - before riku stomps out into the hall. not because he's still worked up, after the chance the cool down, but because today was not a very good day to strap on some boots and dress like a rivethead, apparently. ]

... ...

[ takes a seat across from roxas, deliberately mimicking his posture. he still doesn't look too happy - a little miserable, in fact - though at least the tremor in his voice is gone. ]

It's all just teenage bullshit, isn't it? We've got problems that everyone else'd just laugh about, big gay boys with their silly little issues.

It's not like I have some giant key I can swing at my own darkness and make it go away. Hey, maybe if I were like them, I'd bend to it too and do some weird things.

But it's us, and we're stuck. I'm not good at this, I don't know how to please people and do what they want me to do. I can't court a girl, and I sure as shit can't take the boys who dress like them to bed when all they do is bitch about how not-tender I'm being or some stupid crap.

[ stares at the floor, thinking he can see his reflection in it if he looks hard enough. ]

I'm not good at it. I try to keep other people out of trouble and I just make more of it for myself instead.

[ he's long since lost the point he was trying to make. maybe roxas will shout something at him again so he can give up for real. ]

[keeps his head down, just listening, soaking it all in. riku's right- this is all so stupid, so ridiculous and so cliche that he almost wants to laugh, but he doesn't because it's true, it's their life. he'd probably laugh if it was someone else.

he rifles through all the things he could say, all the points he could make that wouldn't really get them anywhere and probably wouldn't make any sense even if he tried. in the end, he settles on one thing, talking into his knees.]

... Life's boring without a little trouble.

I don't need this much trouble.

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