kingdomdressing | (no subject)

[ blows the hair out of his eyes. ]

But he showed you and not me.

I should've stayed out of it.

[ blaming himself? you bet. ]

He showed me flowers. He fucked you.

[not that it's really relevant, but it proves some twisted little point in his head. either way, it seems he's done talking about it, because he gets up, grabs that bucket, and heads for the door.]

Come on, this isn't about -

[ oh, wow, this wasn't how it was supposed to go at all. ]

[ makes a rush for the door. he didn't want to take advantage of roxas' condition, but - ]

Listen, that's done. I made a bad call, we made some mistakes, he's gone and probably happier, and I'm still stuck here since you can find ways out and I can't hit up the diner on Fridays anymore so my best friend can hit on me and make it to the end of school, so let's - just -

[ doesn't even know, saying too many words in too little breath. he's totally not cut out for this at all. ]

[slumps against the wall. if all else fails, at least he's got the bucket.]

Just what, Riku?

[probably a lot better than the first response that came to mind.]

I did it again, didn't I ...

[ some social skills he's got there. ]

Just go.

[honestly has to take a moment to decide what to do. stay, or go?

in the end, he looks away and fumbles with the handle, yanking the door open and slipping out, closing the door behind him none too gently, but not on purpose. he doesn't make it very far, though, and after glaring across the hall for twenty seconds and getting nowhere, he slides down against the wall and just sits, with his legs pulled up and his face mashed into his knees where he's content to stay for who knows how long.]

[ it takes a while - several minutes, probably - before riku stomps out into the hall. not because he's still worked up, after the chance the cool down, but because today was not a very good day to strap on some boots and dress like a rivethead, apparently. ]

... ...

[ takes a seat across from roxas, deliberately mimicking his posture. he still doesn't look too happy - a little miserable, in fact - though at least the tremor in his voice is gone. ]

It's all just teenage bullshit, isn't it? We've got problems that everyone else'd just laugh about, big gay boys with their silly little issues.

It's not like I have some giant key I can swing at my own darkness and make it go away. Hey, maybe if I were like them, I'd bend to it too and do some weird things.

But it's us, and we're stuck. I'm not good at this, I don't know how to please people and do what they want me to do. I can't court a girl, and I sure as shit can't take the boys who dress like them to bed when all they do is bitch about how not-tender I'm being or some stupid crap.

[ stares at the floor, thinking he can see his reflection in it if he looks hard enough. ]

I'm not good at it. I try to keep other people out of trouble and I just make more of it for myself instead.

[ he's long since lost the point he was trying to make. maybe roxas will shout something at him again so he can give up for real. ]

[keeps his head down, just listening, soaking it all in. riku's right- this is all so stupid, so ridiculous and so cliche that he almost wants to laugh, but he doesn't because it's true, it's their life. he'd probably laugh if it was someone else.

he rifles through all the things he could say, all the points he could make that wouldn't really get them anywhere and probably wouldn't make any sense even if he tried. in the end, he settles on one thing, talking into his knees.]

... Life's boring without a little trouble.

I don't need this much trouble.

[mumbles.]

...Yeah. Maybe not.

[laughs, though it's more of a breath bursting past his lips too fast.]

Don't worry. You'll forget all about it when you find a way back.

[lifts his head, chin pressing against the tops of his knees for a second and a half before he decides he really doesn't want to look up yet. it's much easier talking to his knees, anyway.]

I guess I should ask, because if you haven't already figured it out after all this time, I'm as dense as a fucking doorknob, but... are we done?

[ riku's having a more enjoyable time seeing how far he can smoosh his face into his arm, anyway. ]

I wasn't tryin' to start something in the first place.

[his nose is starting to hurt with how hard he's trying to force it between his knees.]

That's- that's not what I meant...

[ o-oh.

doesn't know whether to laugh, or yell, or do something else altogether. ]

I said it's stupid, I didn't say I wanna b- br-

[ he's so tired of hearing those words that he can't even bring himself to say them, poor riku. ]

[sighs heavily, relieved and nauseated at the same time, which is a very, very weird feeling that he'll be glad to never experience again.]

Sounded like you wanted to for a second. Can't blame me for asking.

[ glares over his peripheral. ]

I'm mad at me, not you, not him.

You really shouldn't be.

[ow, ow, nose.]

If I said anything else about it you wouldn't believe me.

[ it's still my fault, i could've treated him better. ]

[clasps his hands together over the back of his neck, elbows pressing into his thighs.]

Believe it or not, I actually can't remember a time when I've doubt anything you said. Not saying you have to tell me anything, just clarifying.

[ shuts his eyes. ]

I just blame myself. It's not like "Riku's a big silly jerk" was ever meant as a joke.

Sometimes. You're only a jerk sometimes.

[lifts his head again and rests his chin on his knee, staying like that this time.]

About as often as you smile.

Probably more than we think, so I don't blame him, obviously.

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