kingdomdressing | (no subject)

SAIX IS TRYING TO EAT ME.

Also, Axel and I are getting married.

You're an idiot who's getting fucked by an ephebophile, breaking several organization codes at once, never mind the fact we still don't have our hearts back. You're suddenly getting married to a man who awkwardly fucks you in the fucking billiards room because both of you have some sort of vague friendship, and you don't know what to do with yourselves except jump to the most extreme, fucked up, and irrational conclusion.

So the only new thing is that Saix is trying to eat you.

Who said it was awkward sex?

Says me and my ears, hearing every disgusting, backwards noise you make. You don't even bother to go beyond 100 feet away from where anyone else is. You've got all the grace of a neutered bull, desperately humping away at a wall with a target painted on it.

Your 'dirty talk' sounds like it was plagiarized by some middle aged fat woman writing light erotica for other middle aged fat women, by the way.

Thank goodness I don't have a heart to be offended with.

Yes, but you apparently have enough of one to have affections and fuck an underage boy up the ass with. Did you try and make a heart yourself, mm? Is that what you did? Crammed a bunch of people into a cement mixer, threw all the red into a heart shaped cookie cutter, passed it along into the oven for a few minutes, and then tried to punch it into your own chest?

That's something that Demyx would do.

Thanks for clearing that up, Superior. Can I have some of whatever it is you're smoking?

Oh yes, drug insinuations! Hilarious! Yet I'm not the one vying to appear on some early morning trash broadcast years later, featuring a smarmy man who plays at being kindhearted, but mostly sits back and lets his guests trash each other for about an hour on national cameras. Your segment will be 'Boys fooling around with older men who have hips like women!' It will be right after the 'Teenage girls giving their moms lip!' bit, which ends in everybody being sent to boot camp.

Marluxia is screwing Namine, by the way.

Yes, wonderful, pedophiles everywhere in our organization! I have to ask, back when they had their hearts, did they have several outstanding warrants of child predation against them?

When I started this Organization, I asked each and every one of you if you wanted to get your hearts back, but it seems all of you misheard me as saying 'wanted to get laid, possibly in illegal situations that would put the greeks to shame'.

It's all true.

Your Heartless is also wandering around trying to rape the various Rikus. Just FYI.

Yes, great, fantastic, three cheers for everyone and their fucking dicks! And also for that choking, gagging noise you make in the broom closet that makes me lose my appetite for dinner every fucking time!

I really have no idea why I bothered. I apparently would have been better served developing a severe heroin habit and obsessively collecting Hallmark figurines instead of trying to build the organization.

That's because Axel has a bad habit of bucking his hips forward when I suck him off. It's not my fault.

Yeah, you would have, considering that your only vaugely loyal member likes to participate in vore orgies in his spare time.

I really am going to let Saix relieve both of you from having genitalia right now. You're like house dogs. A round of neuterings and things will be so much calmer.