kingdomdressing | (no subject)

Thanks to the kind people here, I've almost reached my goal~♥

Reporting.

That's great, but shut the fuck up, Axel. You never do any work, because apparently you're fucking crippled. You're a cripple. That is what I am assuming here. That would be the only excuse you'd have to go off, skipping meetings constantly, doing all that retarded shit you do with Roxas, just like every other day, and coming back and pretending all that noise was just you and him trying to fucking work a butterchurn or an ice cream maker. You'd have to have both your legs broken, shattered into a million screaming pieces, to even beging to excuse your bullshit.

Also, I swear to god, if I find another stain on my table, I'm beating you to death with your own genitals.

Second Axel. Do me a favor and quit while you're ahead by not saying a goddamn word. I'd ask you to get me some fucking tylenol, but I'm pretty sure you'd fuck that up too, disappear for three hours, come back asking if you'd missed anything, and then sitting down to stuff your god be damned bulimic gullet full of buttered lobster stuffed with shrimp, to only throw it up three hours later because you think Roxas would think you're fat.

XIII tells me you'll kill me if I eat him. Would it be preferable that I only take a few finger? A toe, perhaps?

You mean you could do the surgery for free?

Do you really want to know?

Axel. Did you not hear the first sentence of what I just said. Were you daydreaming about sucking on a stick of sea salt ice cream, winking at Roxas, and thinking you're clever again?

Surgery this, sucking dicks that, anal that wasn't thought through this, I think everyone has apparently stopped giving two shits about getting their hearts back but me. Am I right here? Did somewhere along the way of this organization, everyone decided it'd be much more fulfilling to throw themselves down the stairs and pretend to be 14 year old girls on the internet?

Saix, you're an important part of this organization, but if you keep on with this fucking vore diet of yours - I won't kill you. No. I will put you on the fast track of forcibly watching a 24 hour long game of solitaire, slowed down to 1/64th speed. The only audio will be Benny Hill.

SAIX IS TRYING TO EAT ME.

Also, Axel and I are getting married.

Wow, someone's got their period today.

Everyone's retarded and gay and stopped caring about the whole 'We don't have hearts' business. Are you suddenly an exception to this, Marluxia, or do you just have a new, different bandwagon that you've jumped on, one that sells cum encrusted pretzels and plays shitty power ballads when the engine is on?

I was already given one. I'm just here to laugh at the rest of you.

But I don't want to just pretend anymore! Once I'm a real woman, I'll focus on getting a heart again. Promise~♥

You're an idiot who's getting fucked by an ephebophile, breaking several organization codes at once, never mind the fact we still don't have our hearts back. You're suddenly getting married to a man who awkwardly fucks you in the fucking billiards room because both of you have some sort of vague friendship, and you don't know what to do with yourselves except jump to the most extreme, fucked up, and irrational conclusion.

So the only new thing is that Saix is trying to eat you.

Who said it was awkward sex?

... I have to question the validity of an order given when accompanied by the sound effect "nnf".

No, really. Also, would everyone stop acting like I'm not aware of your severely broken power struggles behind my back? Especially you, Marluxia. Oh yes, going to overthrow the organization! Going to kill a bunch of people, and then goddamn what? Going to work on getting your own hearts back, or fighting Maleficent and the King and the other keybearers (speaking of, it seems fucking everyone has a keyblade now. Do they just pass them out free at carnival rides now, along with balloons and condoms with the image of an over eager rat plastered on?) to rule the darkness and everything and etc., etc.

Really, what did all of you do to yourselves and when the hell did you do it? Stuck your heads in wheat threshers when I was making myself a pina colada, maybe?

Says me and my ears, hearing every disgusting, backwards noise you make. You don't even bother to go beyond 100 feet away from where anyone else is. You've got all the grace of a neutered bull, desperately humping away at a wall with a target painted on it.

Your 'dirty talk' sounds like it was plagiarized by some middle aged fat woman writing light erotica for other middle aged fat women, by the way.

Thanks for clearing that up, Superior. Can I have some of whatever it is you're smoking?

Thank goodness I don't have a heart to be offended with.

I'm to understand that you at least know everyone else has lost their minds and also, quite inexplicably, all become homosexuals, yes?

Hn. That sounds a bit unpleasant. Perhaps instead, the next time he is caught doing whatever it is he does with Axel in the meeting room, I can be the one to dole out the punishment?

Yes, but you apparently have enough of one to have affections and fuck an underage boy up the ass with. Did you try and make a heart yourself, mm? Is that what you did? Crammed a bunch of people into a cement mixer, threw all the red into a heart shaped cookie cutter, passed it along into the oven for a few minutes, and then tried to punch it into your own chest?

Neuter them both, next time you catch them, if you please.