kingdomdressing | no chance, no way

You're acting funny. And you smell strange.

Just wanted something to ease off the edge of the day. You know ...

[makes a dismissive hand gesture, and the smile fades like it was never there, tired eyes staring down at the empty couch cushion.]

Just figured I should say sorry for getting on your case. I'm kind of a jerkoff like that.

[sighs, running a hand over his face, murmuring a quiet 'what am I going to do with you'.]

It's..alright. Forget about it.

[reaches out, idly running his fingers through Riku's hair. looks like someone's a friendly drunk.]

Sometimes I kind of wish we could switch places.. y'know?

[and Riku knows it all too well. at least he's nice, and not even more of a dick.]

No.

[keeps on petting him.]

I do. I wish I would stop messing up for once. That I could hide away with you and just be content, but I always make friends with the dumbest people ...

[huffs quietly, eyes closing because whatever Roxas is doing actually feels kind of nice. relaxing.]

You don't want to be me.

Yeah I do. We're not much different ... you just know when to quit before you're ahead.

[moves a little closer, running his fingers down the back of his neck, the bitter smell of alcoholic watermelon wafting from his warm breath.]

That's not always a good thing.

[tips his head forward just a little, hair falling in his eyes.]

I'd rather hide from the world than jump into all the mistakes I make.

Maybe you wouldn't, but.

[that's why he wishes they could switch places for a little. if they both hate it, maybe they'd appreciate their normal lives better. Roxas massages gently at Riku's scalp.]

I don't know why you never came out. It's not like you're unattractive ...

I.. don't know either. Just this stupid mindset I had, I guess.

[shrugs a shoulder, blowing his hair out of his face.]

You know... I wouldn't have any idea what to do if we switched places...

[finally lets up on the petting, circling around the couch to flop down next to Riku with a grunt, using his side as a pillow. maybe aside the alcohol that Axel he talks to is the one that's contributing to all these clingy actions, but who knows. Roxas is trying to avoid him anyways.]

Probably not. Things are a mess on my end.

[shifts around until he's comfortable.]

.. like they aren't on mine.

[peers up at him, those blue eyes dark and glassy.]

Oh yeah? And what do you have to worry about. How you didn't say 'guys, guess what, I'm a faggot' and lost your chance with Sora?

Newsflash, 'Ri, you're not the only one who liked 'em.

[he knew it probably wouldn't be long before Roxas started on his case again. turns out he was right. sorta.]

No. ..I knew you liked him, or had some idea that you did, anyway. That's part of the reason I kept my mouth shut for so long. ..And don't act like you know everything about my life or what I worry about.

I never would've done anything anyways. He liked you, Riku. Not me. I wasn't about to convince him otherwise. Besides, it was obvious to me you were kind of teetering for him too. I feel like I was the only one who wasn't stupid in that situation.

[he doesn't sound bitter, just tired of his own subject.]

Just ... shit, Riku, there's so much I don't tell you that I should.

He's not stupid. I just led him to believe something that wasn't true.

[sighs, stretching his legs out and running one of his hands over his face. he's exhausted, mentally and physically, but sleep doesn't look like it's anywhere in the near future.]

You're not obligated to tell me anything. Hell, I'm sure there's probably things about you I'd rather not know.

[he's already done his crying for the day so he'll probably be up later tonight, throwing darts at the new target he hung at his wall or writing more crappy poetry.]

I don't know. I feel like if I wasn't such a puss about relationships I could've pushed you into telling Sora faster. You'd be happy and so would he.

[and who cares about Roxas. there's no room for him, and he's accepted that a while back.]

How did this become your fault?

[Riku cares about Roxas, once he takes the time to see past the snarky, arrogant, dick his step-brother can be.]

It's not entirely. I know that, but ... I just feel like I could've done something and I was so wound up in myself that I didn't.

[he kind of wants to talk about what's been going on lately, which is an understatement, because it's been eating at him. but like a dickhead he chased Sora off by being bitter about his decisions, and now he really has no one.]

[Riku won't exactly tell him to shut up if he starts talking.]

Keeping me from making stupid decisions isn't your job, Rox'..

[he knows, but he'd rather not bore him. it seems to him like one of those 'things he'd rather not hear about' so he's hesitating every time he takes a breath enough to spit it out.]

It would've at least made me feel better about something.

[he's not entirely sure what to say, because to be honest, there's not a whole lot he knows about Roxas and what he does with his life. he probably should, but he doesn't, and he's not the kind of person to make people talk if they don't want to. ..so instead of making some offhand comment that'll probably mean nothing, he ruffles Roxas' hair instead.]

[or maybe he's not done crying. it'll be a first that he can't hold it back in public, let alone around someone he knows. he's trying hard to will it back though, taking a deep breath and blurting out whatever comes to mind.]

I had sex with someone I barely know. I regret it. It was so.. god, it was so stupid, I don't even know why I didn't say no, it just .. I don't know, he kept convincing me I'd feel better about myself if I just got laid, and you know I don't fall victim to peer pressure that easily, and I wasn't even really into the idea, but ...

[to say that Riku is surprised would be an understatement. then again, Roxas usually never fails to surprise him in some way or another, but... never to this extent. his brows furrow and somehow, he finds himself pushing his own fingers through blond hair, much like Roxas had been doing to him earlier.]

..who?

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