kingdomdressing | no chance, no way

[he knew it probably wouldn't be long before Roxas started on his case again. turns out he was right. sorta.]

No. ..I knew you liked him, or had some idea that you did, anyway. That's part of the reason I kept my mouth shut for so long. ..And don't act like you know everything about my life or what I worry about.

I never would've done anything anyways. He liked you, Riku. Not me. I wasn't about to convince him otherwise. Besides, it was obvious to me you were kind of teetering for him too. I feel like I was the only one who wasn't stupid in that situation.

[he doesn't sound bitter, just tired of his own subject.]

Just ... shit, Riku, there's so much I don't tell you that I should.

He's not stupid. I just led him to believe something that wasn't true.

[sighs, stretching his legs out and running one of his hands over his face. he's exhausted, mentally and physically, but sleep doesn't look like it's anywhere in the near future.]

You're not obligated to tell me anything. Hell, I'm sure there's probably things about you I'd rather not know.

[he's already done his crying for the day so he'll probably be up later tonight, throwing darts at the new target he hung at his wall or writing more crappy poetry.]

I don't know. I feel like if I wasn't such a puss about relationships I could've pushed you into telling Sora faster. You'd be happy and so would he.

[and who cares about Roxas. there's no room for him, and he's accepted that a while back.]

How did this become your fault?

[Riku cares about Roxas, once he takes the time to see past the snarky, arrogant, dick his step-brother can be.]

It's not entirely. I know that, but ... I just feel like I could've done something and I was so wound up in myself that I didn't.

[he kind of wants to talk about what's been going on lately, which is an understatement, because it's been eating at him. but like a dickhead he chased Sora off by being bitter about his decisions, and now he really has no one.]

[Riku won't exactly tell him to shut up if he starts talking.]

Keeping me from making stupid decisions isn't your job, Rox'..

[he knows, but he'd rather not bore him. it seems to him like one of those 'things he'd rather not hear about' so he's hesitating every time he takes a breath enough to spit it out.]

It would've at least made me feel better about something.

[he's not entirely sure what to say, because to be honest, there's not a whole lot he knows about Roxas and what he does with his life. he probably should, but he doesn't, and he's not the kind of person to make people talk if they don't want to. ..so instead of making some offhand comment that'll probably mean nothing, he ruffles Roxas' hair instead.]

[or maybe he's not done crying. it'll be a first that he can't hold it back in public, let alone around someone he knows. he's trying hard to will it back though, taking a deep breath and blurting out whatever comes to mind.]

I had sex with someone I barely know. I regret it. It was so.. god, it was so stupid, I don't even know why I didn't say no, it just .. I don't know, he kept convincing me I'd feel better about myself if I just got laid, and you know I don't fall victim to peer pressure that easily, and I wasn't even really into the idea, but ...

[to say that Riku is surprised would be an understatement. then again, Roxas usually never fails to surprise him in some way or another, but... never to this extent. his brows furrow and somehow, he finds himself pushing his own fingers through blond hair, much like Roxas had been doing to him earlier.]

..who?

Some bastard.. I don't know, we always talk, I've done some pretty stupid shit to him and he's done some stupid shit too, but he was one of the only people I talked to around here and I just.. kind of lost my sight to reality for a little.

An Axel, of all people.

[and he likes Axel from his world, but not enough to make a statement about it or even make an attempt to go after him. once he got busy taking care of Kairi and her pregnancy, Roxas just didn't see it fit for him to nose around in his business anymore. common courtesy, he calls it.]

['An' Axel. Meaning not the one they both know. Not that that's important, but it's a little unsettling, nonetheless, especially considering that Roxas makes it sound as if Axel is just that guy you see often enough to acknowledge, but not often enough to call a friend or an acquaintance.]

Do you still talk to him?

[smooths his fingers over the blond spikes that come down in front of Roxas' ears.]

[he's making a lazy attempt to bury his face against Riku's shoulder, scooting close enough to almost be considered sitting on his lap, but not quite. he just wants to be coddled right now while he's weak.]

Haven't spoken to him since..

It's probably better that way..

[the only real experience he has with looking after people is with his sister, and maybe Sora if you consider protectiveness to be a way of taking care of somebody. Roxas has never really been anyone he's considered vulnerable or weak at all, and it's almost a little weird to see him like this - quiet and somewhat affectionate -, but he does his best to try and make him feel better, sliding his fingers down to the back of his neck and kneading gently.]

I hate this place, Riku. It's fucking ruining everything ...

[he hisses between his teeth, angrily wiping at his eyes as the tears start coming.]

[all he can do is agree, because he's definitely not going to argue that.]

I--.. I know. S-...

[his brows furrow. this is something he hasn't seen before...]

Roxas...

[he doesn't care anymore, either he's dragging Riku around to face him or he's climbing right across his lap so he can press his face to his chest.]

Sorry I'm taking this out on you. You can rest assured it won't ever happen again, though.

[he whispers, trying not to heave breaths while tears stream down his cheeks.]

Roxas, it's.. it's okay.

[one of his hands comes to rest against the top of Roxas' head, sliding down the back until his palm rests flat between the blond's shoulder blades. from there, he sighs, and curls his arm around Roxas' shoulders, tipping his head down to rest his chin against his step-brother's head.]

It's so frustrating. These people.. I fucking hate seeing another me happier than I am. I mean just.. fuck, it's not fair. And I see them with Soras and Axels and ... Rikus, and it's just ...

[he really doesn't get how people can just fall into step with this place like it's normal. meet someone with the face of their best friend and fall in love with them like it's nothing. or even date someone who looks exactly like themselves.]

.. now you know why I 'hide'. I fixed up my room to be like my old one. If I don't leave, it's almost like home...

Can I stay with you? I won't piss you off ...

[takes a deep breath, sniffing and rubbing at his eyes again.]

shit ... got your stupid shirt soaked ...

[strangely - or perhaps not-so-strangely - he doesn't hesitate to answer.]

It's just a shirt. You can stay.

[and if you're quick enough, you might be able to catch that smile of his before it disappears.]

[pulls back, trying his best to keep his dignity and shove himself off of him and to part of the couch where he isn't so close.]

Right. Thanks.

[he murmurs, suddenly curt with his head bowed.]

[Riku just laughs quietly and shakes his head, getting to his feet.]

..I'm going to change into a shirt that's not-so-full of your snot. You know how to find my room?

[..it's obvious he's teasing by the way the corner of his mouth twitches with a suppressed smile.]

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ixero.livejournal.com - 2008-10-11 02:10 (UTC) - Expand