kingdomdressing | sunlight never felt so cold

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roxas

sunlight never felt so cold

[self pity never was something he fancied. it made him feel queasy to try it. but honestly; he could have tried. wearing that sweater, on a day as hot as this no less, that looked like it could have belonged to his overweight uncle... made his gangly legs look even thinner. think caramel apple on a stick]

...

[then again. it's not like he's gone looking for someone. hiding out on the upper window ledge, another how-the-hell-did-he? moment, he's much happier with just the window open. the place was rank of cigarette smoke. at least that annoying nurse couldn't find, let alone reach, him up there.]

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[well it's not like he has anything better to do or anyone to see, and he likes making friends and keeping people company]

Yeah, sure.

[and he climbs up next to him]

[he's pretty happy with making friends too. he's just not all that good at it. getting high and mighty isn't always the best bet, in his case.]

[but he can sort of snuggle right up to the other thin twin. that's easy to do.]

Why were you just wandering over here? This isn't exactly the most populated area.. [for good reason as to why he's here]

[Roxas likes making friends, but sometimes it makes him feel guilty, makes him distant... but if this Roxas wants a friend, he's not about to tell him no. the snuggling doesn't bother him either.]

I was looking for somewhere quiet to relax.

[it's almost eerie to him...]

Funny, since thats exactly what I was doing..
You're tired.. but you can't sleep.
You're looking for a place to relax, just like I am.
You're just as thin as me...
Thats funny.

[ever so incompitent]

[and alarm goes off in his head, but he appears calm on the outside, relaxed.]

...Funny?

[raises his brows, smiling faintly]

[yea, he's not the brightest. pulled out of school early due to you-know-what. his parents never thought it was pertinent to continue his schooling past grade seven, anyway. by then, the time limit had been set.]

Yea, funny. Because it's almost like you're an older me.

[because that makes all the sense in the world.]

[tilts his head, glancing out the window.]

...You never know. But I doubt it.

[...actually, from what he's observed in the few minutes he's been there with Roxas, the more he's beginning to notice and question things. signs he'd recognize anywhere only because of who he is and what he's experienced... but he's not entirely sure]

[he was questionting things too.. just not to a scale where any of those questions would warrent any sort of click in his gears. idly, he's bunched up the sleeve of his sweater to it at the crook of his elbow. theres definitely puncture marks, but whether they're visible or not from what angle.. IV drip, most likely. he's way too young to even think medicine is cool.]

That'd be neat though. Having an older brother. Or you could be my dad.

[yea. be his dad, haha. his dad was an asswipe.]

[he notices the punctures after a moment or two and he swallows quietly. not something he's ever had to deal with, because of his choice to just...let it take it's course. no medicine, no doctors, no anything. ...but that doesn't mean that they're not familiar.]

[roxas shakes it off and laughs, shaking his head]

I don't know about being a dad...but maybe a brother.

[pauses for a beat, and then reaches out to gently touches his fingers to the inside of Roxas' arm, just below the crook of his elbow]

...what's this from?

[...he's not sure he really wants to know]

[well, he'd been about to pull the sleeve back down, but he's not all that bothered by the stop and question, so it seem. none the less, he looks down at the place in queery, and thinks.]

It's my medicine arm. The nurses always end up poking almost the same spot every time, so it heals. Butterfly needles are the ones they use.

[then he's rolling his other sleeve up; and this one's a right mess. tracks all down his frail little arm, most of the punctures red and scratched-at.]

This is the feel-better arm. Or thats what my sister calls it. But don't tell. My parents don't know shes my sister; only me.

[he seems pretty calm about the whole thing, too...]

[...this is why he hasn't told anyone about his own predicament, because he doesn't want anyone to worry about him. and that's exactly what he's doing now. his expression goes from one of curiosity to one of concern as the boy lifts his other sleeve. he purses his lips, not sure what to say]

...Roxas, can I...can I clean these for you?

[..so he's worried that he might get infected, and the way the punctures are flared red doesn't help matters any]

[which is funny, since he's barely concerned at all. sure they feel irritated, but he's been told it's just normal. or maybe he's on one of those pretty highs right now. -- worrying? rox doesn't usually tell anyone; he doesn't see any need to unless they ask. which is probably what this 'sister' did.]

I don't mind. They still sting; can you fix that? She says it's supposed to be like that, but I don't like it.

[he hops down from the ledge]

I can try.

[offers his hand to the boy]

Come with me? Just down the hall to the bathroom. You can tell me about your sister on the way if you want.

[he doesn't mind going along, so he'll take that hand and hop to the floor. it's not too far, but it's almost a foot from where his feet were dangling. and it doesn't look like he's letting go of that hand anytime soon, either.]

My sister is really smart. Everyone says otherwise; but I think she's really pretty. But she always looks really tired whenever I see her.

[how often does he do this sneaking away thing, anyway?]

She says both her arms are feel-better arms. She needs both, because her life is worse, I think.

[leads him down the hall, listening quietly. when they reach the bathroom, he pushes the door open and steps aside to let Roxas by]

...There are other ways to feel better you know. Other ways that don't hurt or sting, and much safer too.

[he stoops to search through the cabinet below the sink, looking for peroxide]

...hop up on the counter for me?

[he looks almost perplexed for a moment, but then he's almost laughing. he's been trained well, it seems.]

Haha, no no. Sister said this is the best way. You can't get anything that feels better! She did say it was.. an acquired taste though.

[And sure, he can do that; just give him a second. Hands grip the sides of the counter, and with one fell umpf, he's jumped his way half-up. Smack goes his shin to the edge of the corner as he tries to hoist his leg up first. He's on it now, but fuck, the shins were always sensitive. He looks fine though.]

[he glances over to see Roxas struggling to climb up and he's just about to move to help him when the boy gets all the way up.]

Careful. You alright?

[finds the peroxide a second or two later, along with a small first aid kit. looks like most of what was in it has been used, but he's only looking for some bandages and a clean cloth, which luckily, is still there]

...Does doing that really make you feel good, though?

[he approaches, setting the supplies down next to Roxas, and then carefully takes his arm and pushes up the sleeve. ....man, it almost hurts to have to look at that.]

[he's fine, no worries. He'll just have a pretty bruise there come later that night. he never liked the smell of peroxide, hence the disgusted wrinkle of his nose, too. but he doesn't complain.]

I don't know. It feels like I'm dreaming for a long time. But it's not a nightmare, so I suppose it's good. Then it goes away after a while, and I get a bad headache. Sometimes I get sick. But it always feels nice when she puts the needle in. She uses butterfly needles too.

[he'll let himself be moved as needed, not about to complain if the sting is going to go away. he can't help but go to scratch at them one or two last times though. force of habit, you see.]

[grabs for his wrist to keep him from scratching]

Hey, hey, hey... don't do that, okay?

[roxas feels...horrible. does this kid even know what his 'sister' is doing to him? does he understand? roxas goes silent, pouring some peroxide onto the cloth and setting the bottle aside.]

...This'll sting for a little bit. Sorry.

[and he goes quiet again, carefully cupping one hand under Roxas' elbow and cleaning up with the other. he's gentle, not wanting to hurt him any more than he already is, and it's over in no time. he drops the cloth in the sink, and reaches for the tube of neosporin and a q-tip]

...This kind of thing isn't good for you, Roxas. It's dangerous, and you could get really sick...

[thinking on it now, he probably didn't have any idea what it was doing. especially to a child. at least this 'sister' knew better to give him a non-lethal dosage to a kid his size. though I suppose in the long run it was useless.]

She's just trying to help. She knows it won't make a big difference; I'm already really sick. It won't change it.

[at least, thats what he's been told]

[he swallows, busying himself with cleaning up Roxas' arms. he dabs each of the punctures with a bit of neosporin from the end of the q-tip, and then begins bandaging everything up]

...Maybe it won't change it, but I don't think this is helping, either.

[he pauses, takes a deep breath, lets it out, and then:]

...I'm sick too, you know.

[he's chewing his bottom lip and idly rubbing at his smacked shin.. but he's listening all the same. just not watching the medicine be put to his 'battlescars'.]

I don't know what fixes either of them.

[he perks up in an oddly sad sort of way]

You are? What kind of sick? Like my sister?

[purses his lips as he thinks]

...Let's make a deal, okay? I'll be like a big brother...if you promise not to let anyone do this kind of thing to you anymore.

[maybe he can get away with not answering his question...]

[sorry pal, this rox ain't an easy rock to dodge.]

I won't promise, unless you do both things;
Be my brother, and tell me whats making you sick. I'll make it better for you, so you can stay as my brother.

[noble, but a bit stupid..]

[he glances away, thinking about how to go about this. there's no easy way to explain it...but it's so hard to say, so hard to admit]

...I've got leukemia.

[and he looks up now]

But I'll be your brother for as long as I can...

sunlight never felt so cold

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