kingdomdressing | (no subject)

That doesn't exactly answer my question. [doesn't like the studying and likes the circling even less - he's instantly on his guard.] Another Roxas? Yeah. I'm guessing you're not one of the sane ones.

Heeere we go again. [stops, scuffing his heel.]

So what right do you think you have asking questions and then judging me, hm?

Maybe my opinion would be different if you just answered my question. And somehow you circling around me like that didn't exactly give me the best impression.

No, it wouldn't be much different.

I killed everyone. [whistles.]

.... you what? Who do you mean by "everyone"?

Riku, Axel, Kairi, to name a few familiar faces.

why?

I've already explained myself and I feel that you wouldn't even understand in the slightest. So I'll lie and say I did it for fun.

.... you wouldn't. Do it for fun, I mean. Even if you hadn't told me you were lying, I wouldn't believe that.

No, god dammit. I'm not talking about it or I swear I'll wind up clawing my eyes out. I did it for something I really wanted, but in the end that something didn't want me back and refused to associate with me, so it was all .. for nothing.

.. I'm sorry.

I thought I was protecting him, I wanted to, that's all I ever wanted, but I just ... [there's a small noise in the back of his throat, interrupted by the shuffle of his hand in his pocket, pulling something shiny out.]

... "him"? [only watches cautiously as he pulls that something shiny out, but he doesn't make any move to stop the other]

My ... [wince. here we go again.] my brother.

[pause as that sinks in and he goes through a quick shock-realization-dawning dread thing before reigning his expression in again and giving him a sort of .. prompting, questioning look. Asking him to go on, really - if he will.]

[--turns out that shiny is just a zippo he brings near his face and flicks on and off, the fire bursting to life each time.]

I had a disgusting attached obsession that I wasn't outgrowing where I'd do anything to keep his attention, so when our school lives turned to shit, I started killing off each bastard that picked on him.

One by one.

... so Axel, Kairi, Riku, the rest.. they all teased him?

And you did it .. for love, you said.

[pause]

... twisted as it is, you're me. Different, but .. definitely me.

Kids poked fun because he and Riku grew apart, they poked more fun when Kairi left him for Riku, and they poked fun because he'd always run to me.

I showed them the darker side to laughing at someone else's expense, but nothing ever came out of it but this .. stupid bullshit excuse for a life right now. He's terrified .. absolutely terrified of me. He stopped speaking to me, I got found out and went to jail and he never came. Not once ...

[just .. nods]

.. why kill? There wasn't .. any other way?

In seventh grade I broke a girl's arm for breaking up with Sora and making him cry.

In eighth I killed a dog for chasing us down.

Right before the year ended, I tried strangling Riku. He and Sora didn't talk for a month after that. I realized I was growing an addiction to seeing the people that hurt him in pain, and soon enough it just grew to loving the pain of others.

I kill now because I ... I can't help it.

.. there's .. help for that sort of thing, you know.

By god, I just want him back. If it were the only thing I could ask for from this fucking world ... [flinches.]

... maybe you could. But you'd probably .. have to change. Sora doesn't like seeing the people he cares about hurt .. even if they don't care about him. And he's the type who would .. forgive you. Given time.

Thing is, while I'm here, I don't know if I'll ever get back, and if that's the case, ... [shivers] I'll never even get the chance.

You don't know for certain. None of us do, but if we got there in the first place .. we could probably end up back where we came from, again. And if that's true.. maybe you could get that chance.

I don't .. mean to offer false hope, or anything. But it's possible.