kingdomdressing | (no subject)

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[ Like so many others, Riku wasn't fortunate enough to escape this spell. Also like them, she's waking up to that fact, in a series of chain reactions. First, she senses him - sensing him wakes her up, and waking up means opening her eyes. It's pretty dark with only a small night light in the corner, but it's enough that she can tilt her face up to see and confirm that: one, she isn't dreaming, and two, Red is in bed next to her.

She'll take five seconds of stunned silence before she tries to shove him out. ]

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[Face, meet palm (of the non handcuffed hand).]

Look, idiot, I went to bed in my own room, and woke up handcuffed to her here.

[Riku is comforted by the fact that it can't possibly get any worse.]

*points accusingly at Red*

You're a sleep-sexer! I've read about that in a magazine! Pervert!

...a what.

[Just. stares.]

[Facepalm, looking at Ri in annoyance.]

Would you shut up and listen?

A sleep-sexer! It's like sleepwalking, but with sex! Riku-pi you have to divorce him right now. He's a pervert!

*sorry Riku, he's trying to protect what's left of your dignity*

You know what, I'm just going to. ignore him.

[Grabs some blanket to cover himself with.]

[Protect it, huh? Sure he is. She nods when Red speaks, because that's an excellent plan. But she's not giving up -- she'll be able to say she tried, at least.]

I can't divorce him if we're not married, Ri.

*flailing again thanx*

You're having the baby out of wedlock?!

What b-

[Stops suddenly, because wow it just connected that Ri's talking about pregnant Riku and there's a pregnant Riku here YEAH HE'LL JUST BE SITTING HERE KIND OF IN SHOCK.]

[If Ri does not move right this second he'll be getting a very hard whack in the face from her pillow.]

*scrambles back for his health*

Don't blame me! Blame Red!

You can't be serious! Why the hell would-

[He has so many questions right now skdfhsk.]

[Follows him.]

I am blaming you, because you're the one being stupid. This--

[Yanks the cuffed hand up, sorry Red.]

Has nothing to do with sex. We're not having sex. And I'm not going to have a baby.

*backing up backing up don't turn your back to the angry girl omg*

D-don't hit me, Riku-pi! It's not my fault he's naked in bed with you!

He's got a point there.

[Yeah getting dragged along here.]

[Takes a moment to shoot Red a glare that suggests she will not hesitate to murder him just because they're stuck together, then turns back to Ri.]

I'm not going to hit you if you'll get that idea out of your head and actually listen to me.

*processing...*

... no sex?

Well that only took entirely too long for you to get through your head.

[Thank you for voicing her thoughts, Red.]

None, Ri.

*scowls at Red*

Good! Because Riku-pi shouldn't be having any sex at all. Except with other girls, because that's hot and I am completely supportive of her sexual identity even if she likes the Queen.

[....Looks at Riku.]

[CANNOT FACEPALM ENOUGH.]

You're such a--

[She can't even form words. Ri should probably hide.]

*flails and backs up even more, near the door*

I'm only looking out for you, Riku-pi!

He's such a... moron? Dickhead? Disgusting pig?

[Having fun with this, what.]