kingdomdressing | hoo boy, more talking

It's not fair to want anyone to settle for some of my attention. When it was customers, it wasn't like I cared about them, but...it's not right if I can't give you all of that now.

[just stays very, very still]

I can't do that when someone else could focus only on you.

[there's so much that he wants to say, so much that he should could would say but-- just. just stares, eyes wide]

I love you.

[w-well, not quite what he wanted to say, but it's all he can think of saying, because he does, so fucking much]

I'm sorry, I - I do, I just. I don't. I-

[he's doing his best not to get upset - he's not allowed to, when all this is his fault, and trying to keep his voice even, he's quieter than he'd usually be]

I love you too. I got jealous as fuck when you had sex with Axel, but I...for years I've been with so many people. And that's not even...

[lets out a shaky sigh, trying to arrange his thoughts. and probably failing]

If I don't even have to work here, it's wrong that I can't just push someone else away. I can't do that to you, or expect you to be alright with that, no matter what you said. That's not fair of me.

...why didn't you ever tell me. I thought. God, Rox, I thought I was just like a customer to you, and I fucking adored the ground you walked on.

[tries to reach out to touch him at least]

But I love you. I'll share, I will, if I have to.

How do you adore the ground someone fucks up on every five seconds?

[there's an almost bitter little laugh there, though Roxas is staying put]

It just lets people hurt you more, loving them. I'm sure I've hurt you plenty.

You can't be fine with that.

Because I love you, you idiot. You and your fuckups and your stupid whips and your stupid smile and your stupid everything!

[hisses it, to keep from shouting, his voice breaking]

Goddamnit, I fucking love everything about you. I can live with being hurt, because it's nothing compared to--

[just stops, closing his eyes]

[reluctantly looks up, hesitating a moment before touching Riku's cheek. he's starting to wonder if he's seeing why Sora reacted the way he did]

Riku, I...

[isn't even sure what to say, wishing he hadn't just upset Riku so much, and that simply]

Should I call when you blush stupid if I love that?

...what's it matter, Rox.

[pulls away from that touch, rubbing at his eyes for a moment and gritting his teeth]

You're going to leave, right?

[ends up a bit confused. yeah he's caused this all himself, but]

I thought we were talking...but if you'd rather I go.

What good will talking do, if you're just leaving either way? Am I wasting my time here, with you? I don't think so, but if...god, if you're able to leave this easily, I wonder if it was a waste of time. If anything meant...anything to you.

Does it look easy, Riku? It doesn't....it doesn't feel easy. If I didn't care I wouldn't cart that stupid collar around everywhere when there's nothing for me to do with it.

[...didn't want to admit that but he's mixed up enough he's not entirely sure what's going on anymore]

Would you... could I talk with both of you? I think maybe...maybe I should've to start with.

..Yeah. Yeah that's fine.

[exhales shakily]

I can't just say no to you like that, Roxas.

...I'm sorry. Really.

[half reaches to take Riku's hand, but thinks better of it, pointing in the direction he came from]

The room's...it's this way.

...I know.

[quietly just follows, so very subdued]

[doesn't say anything, half sure he'd just make it worse somehow. when he finds the right door, he knocks rather than just waltzing in]

[answers, blinking]

...o..oh, you're both here...

[j-just nods]

I...wanted to talk with you both. If that's alright.

Only if it's alright.

[puts emphasis on that - he did spring this on Sora, and he doesn't want the guy just saying okay to be nice]

..i...yeah, it's okay. I...okay.

[lets them both in, quiet]

[waits till the door's closed, and some moments after before he says anything. he doubts he's doing this right either]

...I'm sorry.

[great opening line, right?]

...Why? [quiet, oh so quiet, while Riku just says out of the way off to the side]

Because I don't think I was listening to either of you. And I should have, but I screwed up. I don't think being sorry fixes anything, but I still am.

[sighs]

Would you both just...tell me what you think? Of this, of...of what I've been doing, or am doing. There's two of you, and I just assumed I knew how you both felt about everything, and I don't know.

[looks at Riku just for a second before sitting on the floor in front of the door]

I promise I'll listen, whatever it is.

...Rox, I want you happy.

[Riku mutters it, dragging a hand through his hair, lingering back by the door.]

...We both do.

[aaand Sora seconds]

[still isn't sure how they can both say that]

What would've made you both happy? I'm only one of three here.

You--

[...b-both said that at the same time]

[doesn't think that's a whole answer]

Is it bad to want to know what I should have done?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

hi there edit