kingdomdressing | (no subject)

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axel

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[Axel's in the game room today. he got started playing Kingdom Hearts with Kai the other day, but as soon as he came in here just now he realized he probably shouldn't play on his own, without Kai to explain things to him. :|a so he started poking through movies and things to watch instead, and up on a shelf he found his current entertainment.

he's sprawled all over the couch, feasting out of a large container of what appear to be chinese takeout spare ribs, and he's watching... porn. guy-on-girl porn, which would explain why he's still fully clothed, and watching it with the kind of detached interest people watch doctor's office waiting-room TV with. feel free to come in and join him, or be horrified that he's watching porn where children could see (the door of the game room is still open), or be a child and come in so he can demonstrate his horrible parenting skills!]

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I'm glad I was given the chance.

[because it's been absolutely incredible, watching Riku break out of that horrible shell.]

[his mind goes back to that first, long day when he'd waited for someone he knew to find him, and how Kai had been toward him even then. it feels like a memory from a lifetime ago, one that puts a lump in his throat and has his eyes stinging. he quickly blinks back the reaction, letting out a slow, shaky breath. he's come this far without breaking down, he doesn't want to start now.]

[shifts to put both arms around Riku for the time being.]

It's alright, Riku. You've been keeping it bottled up for a long time now, but you're safe here.

You'll always be safe with us. Don't be afraid to let things out, neither of us will think any less of you for it.

[yes, let's focus the hug on Riku, complete with some warm, soothing Light from him.]

[his shoulders hunch despite the hugs, and he was doing fairly well at containing himself until he felt that touch of Light. it almost hurts, the way he can feel it coaxing something in him to relax the painfully tight grip it has on him. he sucks in a breath but doesn't make a sound, feeling something tickle down the side of his face before a fat droplet falls to land on his knee.]

[he nuzzles at Riku's shoulder a little, encouragingly. he's a strong believer in letting shit out instead of bottling it up, and if it makes someone he cares about feel better, then that's even more awesome. \o/]

[he doesn't say anything else, just waiting to see what Riku does. this will ultimately be good for him, he knows. good for all of them, really.]

[he lets out the breath he'd been holding in a rush, the sound of a strangled sob escaping as more tears start falling faster. all the things he's done- some even willingly- make him feel so very ashamed of himself, a feeling that's been festering deep in his heart. he shuts his eyes tight and ducks his head to hide his face against Axel's arm, not wanting them to see what it does to him to remember things he'd forced himself to forget, things that seeing that video has dredged up.]

[shifts to rub Riku's back with one hand, slow, calming circles, and reaches with the other to pet his hair, like one would a small child. he's had that same kind of gut-wrenching disgust with himself, and buried it similarly for too long, so he knows that it doesn't ever disappear that way; this is about the best way to let it go.]

None of this, Riku, none of it has been your fault. You've had to keep all this pain inside for so long, I'm so sorry. Let it all out. You don't need to keep it inside here.

[he'll just keep up with the Light, and he's glad Axel's helping so much, too.]

[he's hardly making a sound louder than a gasp as he sucks in air, his body shaking with the effort it takes to not let himself disassociate from this. it hurts, so much that he wishes none of today had even happened. the soothing touches and the Light help, giving him something to focus on besides the tears that just won't stop. it'll be a good twenty minutes before he can even begin to start pulling himself together.]

[oh, at least twenty minutes. by then, Axel will have shifted around again until he's sitting more properly on the couch with Riku completely in his arms and on his lap. this makes him feel good and helpful, doing things like this. it's no fun to see someone he cares about so very upset, but it'll be good for Riku to get everything out.]

[Kai would have been tempted to leave and get... I don't know, tea, or at least tissues, but he's not sure he wants to leave Riku with an Axel (no offense bb) while he's feeling this vulnerable. he's probably leaning against Axel by the time Riku starts coming down, holding one of Riku's hands and smoothing his thumb over the back of it as he just keeps up the soothing Light. probably like a heater, but with awesome positive feelings instead. :3]

[he feels raw from the inside out, his head turned to rest his cheek on Axel's shoulder as if all the energy has been cried out of him. his eyes are closed and tears are still coming, but he's quieted down a lot, squeezing Kai's hand like it's a link keeping him focused. there's a lump in his throat when he finally opens his eyes, and he doesn't move from where he's plastered against Axel.]

[I think tea and a good long nap will be in order for all three of us after this. he turns his head slightly and presses a kiss to Riku's hair, tightening his arms around him for a moment. he knows what it's like to feel that wrung out, whether from grief or anger or whatever. :<]

D'you want me to get you anything, Riku?

[yes, no doubt. there will be much cuddles. and tea. and warm food.]

[the charms on his collar clink together and his arm feels weighted down as he brings it up to rub across his eyes, shaking his head. he doesn't feel like he has the energy to move from where he is. he still feels like he should be the one asking Kai that.]

[will gladly carry him to bed whenever he wants to go. <3 and about that collar... >.> he smooches Riku's hair again, and then his tear-damp cheek, making enough body heat to be comfortably warm for him.]

Okay. Make sure to let me know if you need anything though, alright? Tissues, something to eat, something to drink... anything.

[is Axel trying to get Riku to fall asleep on him? because with the warmth and Light he's feeling from both of them, it's hard for him to will himself to do anything else. he nods at Kai's words, his eyes closing automatically when Axel's hand comes up to his face. he doesn't flinch this time, simply letting himself relax in a way he hasn't in a very long time.]

[quite possibly! sleep would be one of the best things for Riku at this point, and he should be worn out enough from crying that he won't have any nightmares. he's just going to pet Riku's hair, brushing it out of his eyes and combing his fingers through it.]

[it really warms his heart to see this, to see Riku being so free around someone who looks like someone who had hurt him so badly. he's happy just being beside them and watching.]

[there's a good chance that Riku may never mention this day directly for a good long time. this Axel doesn't give out nearly the same vibes as his own had, and doesn't set off any warnings for Riku. that, and having someone he trusts completely right there next to them, is what gives him the peace of mind to let himself be lulled to sleep, giving one last sigh as Axel effectively calms him further with fingers threading through his hair.]

[keeps doing that for several more moments, and then leans over a bit and rests his head on Kai's shoulder.]

We should put him in bed. He'll probably sleep like a log after that.

Yeah. I'm... after all that, I guess I'm glad that he at least had the chance to get that all out.

[even if the reason it was needed will make him sad forever.]