kingdomdressing | the funk of forty thousand years

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the funk of forty thousand years

[And just like last year, the main room has been cleared out for a Grand Halloween Ball! There's music playing, food for every monster/animal/zombie you are dressed up as, and a few dancing skeletons to liven up the mood.

Also. Don't go to the dance floor alone.

Because you will find yourself dancing the "Thriller" automatically :}

Kiddies, feel free to go trick or treating!]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYONE!

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[Bzuh.]

And that'll happen if I don't do homework?

[...Wait.]

Hey! I did my homework, so weren't you gonna tell me more about that kind of thing?

............

[yeah, maybe he should just eat him]

Okay, yeah, I was. But how did it go? Did you learn anything new about yourself? [...kind of wants to shoot himself, incidentally, but that probably wouldn't go over very well]

It was...weird. Like something I never felt before.

[And kinda messy. And kinda good, but mostly weird. :|]

Good, then you're on the right track. It's weird, but normal. You can do it whenever you want - in private - if you feel like it, or want to feel good. Just don't go telling everyone you're doing it.

Okay. But, uh...Axel?

[Errrr]

Is it supposed to be...messy?

Yep. Just wipe yourself off afterward. It'll stain if you let it dry.

Okay.

So, can you tell me more now that I've done it? Er... unless that's supposed to be private too.

I'll tell you because you're my best friend ~~and completely ignorant~~ but you keep this kind of thing generally private.

Alright, so you've got that thing, right? Your penis. Girls don't have that, though you probably coulda guess that by now.

Really? So what do they have?

A vagina. Go look it up in a dictionary if you want a diagram, because I'm not going to stand here and describe it to you. I draw the line at that.

And I stick it... in there?

[s-sorry Axel. Roxas...asks a lot of questions, and he so doesn't know the social norms about this kind of thing.]

Basically, yes. But you don't just jab and hope for the best. You have to make the girl feel good first, get her excited about the prospect. That involves a lot of learning and a lot of practice.

[he's just kind of resigned himself to this now sob]

So what do I have to do, Axel? What makes girls get "excited"?

[it's his fault for mentioning it in the first place!]

Well--... [FROWN. they could be here all night if he tried to explain that.

think think think] ...is there any place around here that has magazines?

Maybe the library?

[soooo confused.]

Perfect. [snags a piece of paper and a pencil and writes down three titles.

"DIVA"

"On Our Backs"

"Playgirl"

then he hands it to Roxas] Give these a read. ...don't let anyone see you reading them, but they're not a bad introduction.

Not even Xion? Maybe she'd know what to do, too.

[...yes. bad idea.]

...not even Xion. I'll be talking with her on my own. So don't worry about her.

Well, okay, but why not?

[...he still might do it, yo.]

Because it's rude and, uh...uncouth to just go up to a girl and ask her about her parts. You don't want to be uncouth, do you?

I dunno. What's "uncouth" mean?

It means she'll hate you and think you're terrible.

Ack! There's no way I'd want her to hate me!

[not good, not good.]

Then don't do it and you'll be fine. [big smile!]

... Er. Well, I kinda...told her about the homework.

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falsifiery.livejournal.com - 2009-11-02 06:36 (UTC) - Expand

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kindofazombie.livejournal.com - 2009-11-02 14:10 (UTC) - Expand

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