kingdomdressing | (no subject)

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roxas

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I want to know something.

[he's genuinely curious, seated at a kitchen table, drumming his fingers against the polished oak. there's plenty of people with hearts here, so asking the masses seems like a logical idea.]

I understand that I smile when I'm happy, and that I frown when I'm not. But what else am I supposed to do?

[because he has no memory of how he's supposed to act, so his attempts to act like he cares come out mish-mashed.]

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[Sitting on a stool near the counter, sketching. Doesn't bother looking up and just recites what she studied.]

You cry when you're really sad, you yell and scowl and possibly hit someone when angry, you blush when you get embarrassed, you scrunch your face up when disgusted...

[...want her to continue?]

[that's plenty for him to mull over, fingers still tapping the table.]

How does one blush, exactly?

An action triggered by emotions for a certain person. Indicated by reddening of cheeks and rise of body heat in the face.

[Pause, looking over her sketch......and Roxas may actually see HER face turning red, before she quickly changes the page]

[he caught that change in the color of her face, and his interest is immediately piqued.]

Like that?

[and he's scooting closer to get a better look.]

[ajhasfgf closes it]

Yes, like that.

So you're embarrassed. How come?

I'm still trying to figure that out. [Dismisses the sketchbook, still red. subject change.]

Come on Roxas, I'm pretty much sure Sora didn't just felt only anger, sadness or happiness. There has to be other emotions you're capable of remembering.

[shrugs slightly.]

Such as? I suppose it'd make sense that I can't remember, if I've never even thought of it.

How much can you remember?

... Not much.

[pauses.]

It's little things, like the way the air smells like salt at the beach. Or, I can picture myself sitting in a small boat in the ocean.

Boat....

...do you remember a raft? [Remembering what she saw in Sora's memories when she was chaining them.]

No. Should I?

Ironic that I know more about Sora's memories than you do. [Sigh]

[he's a little confused by something.]

Would learning more about his memories help me remember how to feel?

I think so. After all, emotions usually show more often during interaction with other people, and as I see it, Sora was a pretty friendly person. His memories of his friends show a wide variety of how he dealt with them.

So, I should just find a Sora and start questioning him.

[that sounds easy enough. Sora could be threatened if he won't talk, Roxas figures.]

And you'll most likely be met with a Kingdom Key at a Strike Raid or maybe just a plain magic spell taught by Merlin. Soras don't do well in interrogation.

[Gets up to get some ice cream from the fridge]

How am I supposed to learn about him, then?

I know how you 'question'. [Pulls out two bars of ice cream]

If you don't get what you want, you summon your Keyblades and start beating them over the head until they start giving you answers that you want to hear.

I don't see the problem here.

Psh. Next thing you know, you'll find yourself fading on the floor, thinking 'what the hell just happened'?

[Waves one popsicle around for emphasis, before handing it to him and om noming the other one.]

[takes it, although he's a little unsure about what she's said.]

I can't tell if you're mocking me, or if you're just underestimating me.

A little bit yes on the first, no to the second. You don't know Sora's motto, do you? [Raises a hand, it glows a bit and this statement might be echoing somewhere in Roxas' mind]

"My friends are my power!"

I won't be surprised if in the middle of a battle, a Riku or that duck and dog will jump in to his help.

[visibly flinches, caught off guard.]

Then I would have to isolate him.

How exactly are you planning to do that?

And pulling him away from his friends would put him on a defensive, he'll most likely try to kill you rather than answer you.

[Eyes him] The coat doesn't exactly spell 'oh hey, let's sit down to have tea and chat!'

[sighs, pausing to think] Must be one of the reasons why the Castle Oblivion mission went all wrong. [Om nom ice cream]

... So if I wear something else, he'll trust me?

[poor Roxas, he just doesn't entirely understand.]

[This is Namine doing a facepalm]

...no. You have to act like you can be trusted too.

Do you trust me, Namine?

[he'd assume, with an affirmative he wouldn't have to make any serious changes to his current behavior. if she says no, well .. Roxas has no clue where to go from there.]

Why wouldn't I trust you?

[cocks her head at him]

I have no idea.

[there's a ghost of a smile, there.]

Do you suppose Sora would, too?

Maybe because I'm just used to you and I know you. [Taps lips thoughtfully] After all, we both existed almost at the same time, at that precise moment in Hollow Bastion.

Maybe if he was aware of who you are? And that if, you know, you're not trying to stab him in the chest.

Why do you need to know?

Knowledge. Understanding.

[raps his knuckles against the table boredly.]

Knowing the difference between feeling and not.

[sits without asking. The conversation is strange enough as it is without casting further weird things - do the conventions of politeness even apply when you're talking to yourself? - onto it. Indifferently,]

If you want to know, why don't you get a heart?

I have not yet found a suitable heart for me to take.

[quirks an eyebrow. Roxas isn't always one to make assumptions, but the person sitting across from him seemed awfully familiar, moreso than just a mirror image.]

Have you?

Sora's?

[the change in his voice is palpable: from indifference to flat determination in a heartbeat - or what would be a heartbeat, anyway, if he had one.]

I don't want a heart anymore.

[well that was new and completely different. exciting, even, something he'd never hear from the Elders. he leans forward a bit, not at all ashamed with invading Roxas's personal space out of curiosity.]

Why not?

[whether the other person's himself or not, this is something he doesn't want to talk about. Instead, he deflects.]

You didn't answer my question. There are lots of Soras around. Why don't you take one?

[it's not an answer like he wanted to hear, so he'll only half humor Roxas.]

At the moment, it's too risky.

[he's not backing off, still staring hard.]

I answered your question, now answer mine.

If you need any help--

[it's the wrong thing to say - it feels wrong, and he doesn't even know anything about feelings. Not that it's altruistic. Seeing another Roxas with a heart might tell him some more things about having one. The before and after -- that's what matters. He wants to study the transformation.

He rests his elbows on the table edge. Right, fine, answers.]

I found out that I'm supposed to disappear into Sora. Then I met myself - me in the future, not some... alternate person who just looks like me. He wasn't-- [sharp noise; he doesn't know the words for this] He was like Sora. He didn't act or think like me. Having a heart or going into Sora - they're both just ways to vanish.

[wow, speeches. He shuts his mouth and looks hard-faced and quiet.]

[he's not sure how to react to the offer, and only mutters quietly in response.]

I doubt either of us will fade if we were to take a Sora's heart for ourselves, instead of surrendering to him completely.

[by now he's figured some sort of alliance could work to both their advantages, and his posture has visibly perked. he's no where near a smile, however.]

I am willing to assist you as well.

It's not Sora I'm worried about fading into.

[it's him, that future self, so flimsy with love and hopelessness. Even if they were both armed with keyblades, he knows that he would have won just by dint of not caring whether his opponent got hurt. Assuming the weight of that future - that's what he doesn't want to risk.

Shakes his head - in agreement, apparently.]

It's not a trade. Just pick a heart and we'll take it.

If you're certain.

[he has Samurai at his beckoning, and Roxas's orders are well-received by his gaze. after a beat, the Nobodies slide away in silence.]

I will let you know which one I've chosen.

[he tilts his head and tries to imagine the face opposite distorted with feelings. It's a rough, perplexing project, and after a moment, he gives up.]

Okay.

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