kingdomdressing | I'm fettered and abused.

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roxas

I'm fettered and abused.

Love sings when it transcends the bad things,
Have a heart and try me, 'cause without love I won't survive..

[Roxas sure does love his chocolate milk though, and he's slumped half across his chair without much of a care in the world. he's feeling kind of empty, kind of guilty, but all in all it's really dulled from what he knows he should be.]

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[headphones aren't supposed to blare, but someone's walking by with his headphones on the loudest he can. he does pause, however, as he saw his ring glow red. --but no. it's the same thing, and the only words there are heard by music and a girl singing.]

... he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart,
he's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do...

[and just as soon as the weight was lifted, it's back. he can't swallow, and he can barely move. he feels like the world will fall apart if he does, so he tries to breathe slowly through his nose. relax ...]

[there's a sudden rashness in his actions, his shoulder almost slamming against the door before he quickly just. goes. not a good thing.]

[he's about to just give it up, but now he's suddenly tight in the throat, not caring when his glass tips over and he rushes up, stumbling and chasing right after him.]

[he doesn't know exactly why it's now that his shell is breaking, but he doesn't hear those steps as he's fumbling, trying not to step with his aching, throbbing foot as the song changes.]

Yeah, I gotta keep quiet--quiet, listen to your voice...
Because the power of your words can repair all that I destroyed...

[and someone latches to his waist, a tight embrace that just isn't letting up.]

[--and he stops all of a sudden, looking back to him with almost-scared wide eyes.]

[his look back, full of water.]

Stop running! Why the hell are you the one who's trying to back off so much?! You're not even the one who's got a boyfriend! I should be backing off, but I'm not-- I can't help it!

I'm backing off for the both of us, that's why!

[it's sharp, and he can feel his eyes stinging.]

I won't put someone else through that hell. I already did it to him. You don't know how--

[but he bites on his lower lip hard, squeezing his eyes shut. no. keep quiet. keep quiet.]

Just kiss me already!

[tugs harshly at his shirt.]

Please.

[he begs in a whisper.]

[... he can't, but he has to, he shouldn't, but he wants to... and fuck, there he goes, pressing his lips to Roxas' hard, blaming him for anything that comes out of this.]

[he's pressing back, clutching on, teeth are clashing but he doesn't care, nothing matters right now and he knows he'll be letting down so many people, but since when has that ever gone right for him anyways? he's just trying to desperately grasp for what he thinks might finally make him happy and relaxed, and he doesn't want to let it slip away.]

[and he can feel his own arms around Roxas' waist, clutching onto just about the one person that has made him feel somewhat himself in a long, long time. and he shouldn't be doing this, this is hurting the stuttering Sora and this is going to hurt him, and he just hangs on, absurdly protective of keeping this moment unruined.]

[the waterworks are going again but he's so pissed off, he's so guilty and frustrated that this couldn't have happened years ago, that this Riku couldn't have been his so he'd never kill all those people, he could love Sora as a brother and love Riku as so much more. it would've been amazing, it could've been so sweet, but now things were only starting to crumble around them as they throw it all out the window.

Roxas eventually pulls back, gasping for air and desperately searching those sea green eyes for something, anything more than the hate he'd harbored for 'Riku' for so long-- and he sees it. it makes him smile, it makes him melt and feel like a bird in a sturdy, sturdy protective cage guarding him from all the cats on the outside.]

[it's when Roxas pulls away, and he's laughing a little, a certain light that's gone out right back in his eyes and he doesn't exactly know why it'ss with Roxas that this is happening--but it is, and he knows that he doesn't exactly regret it. he can't. he just can't.

it's then when he can see something else in blue eyes. when he stared into Sora's, it was defeat--he could never be the protector, he was always the protectee, he always felt weak. it's now that he feels he can finally be who he wants to be and is with someone completely forbidden.

and it scares him to high hell as he pants for sweet air.]

Maybe he'll understand. I need it just as much as you do.. I'll find him someone amazing. Someone who can make him laugh and smile and someone who doesn't feel the need to coddle him like I do. Someone that'll believe in him.

I'm not good for him, Riku, I never was. He needs someone better to realize that, and.. and I'd like to think he'll know it's for the better that I stay with you.

[reaches down to take Riku's hand-- the one with the ring on it.]

This doesn't lie, after all.

You sing good.

He... he will. Soras... know how this goes, I'm pretty sure.

[it's a shaky sigh that Riku gives him, and it's a broken laugh that goes afterwards. he hangs his head.]

For fuck's sake, why do I keep doing this...? First Sora and Roxas, now... another Sora and Roxas, I've got to stop breaking up relationships like this.

[but he sucks in a breath, and shakes his head.]

... please tell him I'm sorry.

Riku, you can't hide from him. It'll make this all worse than it already is.

[reaches up to touch his cheek, breathing deep.]

You have to tell him yourself. Sit him down and talk to him. I will, too.. I know it'll be hard. Trust me, I know.

Ah-..? Thanks.

[smirks.]

[the way he suddenly shuts his eyes, it's such a sore spot he doesn't want to see anything but stars. he sucks in a huge breath before letting it out.]

... fuck. R-right. I'll... try to do that.

You look kind of sad though.

[was minding his own business but he thinks he knows that voice, strange as it is to recognize one Roxas among many, but...well, it doesn't look like the person it sounds like. which just leaves him puzzling while he's rather rudely gawking at the fellow]

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I'm fettered and abused.

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