kingdomdressing | suddenly, srsbsns.

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sora

suddenly, srsbsns.

[the door is only cracked open a bit-- he's in a bathroom pacing and pacing, his eyes locked on a bottle of pills placed beside the sink. can he do it? can he really? he's tempted and he reaches out, but then he backs up again, resuming his pacing. he knows he wants to, but ...]

[when he reaches out to take it again, he's overcome by a sickeningly hollow feeling. his hands clap over his mouth and his eyes clench shut. when his back meets the wall Sora slides down slow, seating himself and sobbing quietly into his hands. why did everything have to be so complicated all the time? what happened to when he could take it in stride?]

{ooc; overbearing emooo. uh. yeah.}

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Sora?

[the only reason he stops is because it sounds vaguely familiar and it has him peeking in-]

...Sora?

[seeing Kairi is one of the best things that could happen to him right now, but when he actually clears his eyes enough to get a good look at her from the floor, he realizes how young she is.]

Kairi ... I'm sorry. I'm a mess.

[it's time to put up a face for his friend, because he knows it's hard for her to see him sad, if she's from a world like his.]

[She takes a few careful steps towards him, stops for a moment and before taking the rest and crouching down beside him, reaching out to brush some brown strands from his face]

It's okay. Do you want to talk?

[that voice startles him, and he's almost about to scream into his hands with more sobs, but it's a last minute thought that occurs to him where he is. not home, not haunted, just the dressing room with a million faces that look like his.]

[quickly wipes at his face to rid it of tears, taking a deep breath and patting himself down to stand.]

Sorry, I- I kind of let things get the best of me.

[this is the Kairi he knows. what happened to her? he quickly smears away another escapee tear before shrugging.]

It's depressing.

[frowns deeply, sliding past the doorway. he's definitely not used to seeing any Sora like that.]

What things?

I can deal with depressing things. C'mon, tell me. It'll make you feel better.

[he worries a little, about getting close to Riku, about the pills, about his weaknesses spilling over-- he hops up onto the counter and sits in front of the bottle. maybe Riku didn't see, because it's just another thing he doesn't even want to touch bases with. he doesn't even know why he thought about it.]

I wasn't here a little while ago ... I had a Riku here with me before, this place brought us together and let us settle a lot of things that went unsettled. When I went home, he was gone, but not really ... it's-- hard to explain.

[but it's not, because it's plain and simple. Sora just doesn't want to admit it.]

[continues to frown, luckily not having seen the pills.]

Try to explain it, then. It's obviously bothering you.

When I came back to the islands with Riku to meet you--er, Kairi, Riku was really happy. He seemed really glad to know that we forgave him no matter what. Except he wasn't really happy, because I guess he had these weird doubts about what we said. It drove him crazy and he sh--shot himself. He was always saying sorry, and ..

[Sora gets choked up, his throat tight. he takes another deep breath and continues.]

That's when I appeared here. A little after Riku died and I couldn't sleep and Kairi started to drift really fast.

[there's more, but he'll give her a moment to take that in.]

[She drops to her knees, trying to comprehend everything she just heard. It would help if she knew what the hell happened after she saw Sora disappear and the island come back, but... she doesn't.]

Riku... killed himself?

He's a ghost, I guess ... when he came here, he became visible to everyone, and he could touch me, but he was really cold. He was still Riku, though.

[smiles fondly.]

He didn't come back with me this time around. When I went back to the islands after being here for the first time, he wasn't around either. I was okay with that because he knows how I feel and I know how he feels. I just wish ... well, that we could've settled things while he was alive.

A... ghost?

[that worries him faintly; what's he missing from this story?]

He has a really hard time handling guilt when he realizes it. He felt really alone.

[he doesn't feel anger anymore. just terrible. terrible that he didn't recognize it and try to spoil Riku with the affection he needed.]

[he doesn't want one Riku to hate the other, and he doesn't want one to follow in the footsteps of his. it's a hard decision to let it out, but he does, quietly.]

He killed himself.

(>: concerned Kairi is concerned. and. while she's pretty sure she doesn't know this Sora, she still feels like she should talk with him)

What's wrong?

[his eyes go wide, staring at Sora in alarm.]

Killed-?

I'm... sorry, Sora.

[Then she seems to realize something, and strokes his cheek gently with one hand.] It's not your fault that happened. So don't blame yourself.

[nods his head once, quiet.]

[he... can't actually imagine killing himself, as much as he may hate himself.]

I know part of it was my fault, we established that when he came here. I was here before, and Riku was here too, as a ghost. I could touch him, but only if he was making himself solid. He made a deal with a god here for a more solid body, but he was still really cold to the touch.

Then this place kicked us out, and he was totally gone. I had dreams about him, but I could never tell if that was really him or my mind's manifestation of him. Coming back here without him was like a punch in the gut, because this was where I knew he was still here.

Some people do really crazy things on impulse. There's really no regret when you'll never come back. Or, that's what he thought I guess. He was a ghost until we settled everything here. And then he finally disappeared.

I want to say 'it's not fair', but I really don't know if it is or not.

[well, this isn't his Sora, and he's not too good at the comforting thing, but- he makes his way over and places a hand on his shoulder a bit hesitantly.]

For what it's worth, I'm sorry.

Sora. Look at me. [She draws a deep breath] Things like this can't be blamed on anyone: they just happen. And... sadly, we can't so anything about that.

And... if you were thinking about going after him... don't. That would make me sad. And your Kairi, too.

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suddenly, srsbsns.

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